A Square Week

A Square Week

My week wasn’t particularly square. Neither was it round though. I’m just running out of ideas what to call my posts in the challenge which consists of snapping and Instagraming a photo a day and throwing a week’s worth bunch together over on the blog. What would you call it? The lazy challenge? The recycle challenge? The zerofucksgiven challenge?

Here you go. I challenge you to scroll down. Not in one mighty scroll, preferably. You know, I did put some minimum effort into making captions for the pictures. I challenge you to read them. Or not to read them. Whichever you find more challenging. Or less challenging. Wait. I know what to call my challenge. The challenged challenge.

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2 April: My windows are so filthy that the cat has difficulty looking out through them. That’s the only thing that may coerce me to clean the windows. Maybe. 
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3 April: Feel free to appreciate my cute yoga pants and fancy yoga mat. I also recommend to your attention the commendable fact that I painted my toe nails and shaved my big toes. 
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4 April: This is just to deliver a bullet-proof proof that I also painted my finger nails. And that on this day, as on any day, I had coffee. 
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5 April: There were blue holes in the late evening sky. Ozone holes visible? The photo turned out more like darkness visible. 
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6 April: I have tiles. They are ugly. There are shadows on them. That’s about it.
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7 April: I put my as lovely as beloved winter coat (rightmost) to sleep for the upcoming summer. I was surprised to discover I have multiple options of spring coats: blue and yellow (middle and left). How did that happen? What on earth possessed me to buy two versions of one thing and so expose myself to decision paralysis? 
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8 April: I read. That’s apparently what people do. Hence, I’m people. Though I have my doubts.

 

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Bringing Light to Instagram

Bringing Light to Instagram

Do you think this post is going to be about my enlightening Instagram? Gotcha! Of course not. You should know better now than to trust me. I bring gloom and doom wherever I go, including Instagram.

Since the last week’s power outage, I’ve been entirely enthralled with manifestations of light. Light is good, especially artificial light, because artificial light means the power is on. And so is WiFi.

So I bring to your attention another instalment of my photo-a-day project (which I’m still denying I’m doing), as originally posted on Instagram.

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19 March: Go, Cheddar, go! Cheddar didn’t but I went to get groceries.
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20 March: The grocery mission was an unqualified success. For a small fee, I will organise your fridge all neat and nice like this. I’m OCD, that’s what I do.
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21 March: This is my flat entry door. I think someone forgot to throw in a threshold. Light Exhibit #1.
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22 March: That’s a perfectly useless random window in a wall between two rooms. But, good for Light Exhibit #2.
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23 March: I wasn’t drunk when taking this. My phone apparently was. But it’s Light Exhibit #3.
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24 March: I changed the bulb. Not ideal, but I never said I was a good janitor. Light Exhibit #4.
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25 March: I specialise in low-res grainy shitty photos. Street Light Exhibit #5.

 

What Happens on Instagram…

What Happens on Instagram…

What happens on Instagram doesn’t stay on Instagram. That sounds catchy and cheesy, right? What I mean is that I give you literally what I posted on Instagram last week, continuing in my snap-a-day thingy.

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12 March: It’s been raining and the tile on my balcony appears rusty, which is curious, given it’s not even made of metal.
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13 March: The skies haven’t fallen yet. Though doom and gloom are constantly impending.
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14 March: I lit a candle and it was red and warm and nice.
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15 March: Today was the day when I, as every day, made coffee. 
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16 March: That’s my cat’s spot. The other day I made the mistake of using the at the moment vacant spot to fold laundry. Bad idea. Now all my laundry is furry.
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17 March: Kids are fascinating creatures. They need so little to amuse themselves. These look like Star Wars kids. In the modest conditions of the tenement culture, of course.
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18 March: Light, light! I almost loved that, but I don’t have the capacity, obviously.
Weekly Photo Challenge: I’d Rather (Not) Be

Weekly Photo Challenge: I’d Rather (Not) Be

In response to WP Weekly Photo Challenge: I’d Rather Be.

I’d rather not be, but if I had to be, I’d rather be my cat.

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What I’ve Been Up To on Instagram

What I’ve Been Up To on Instagram

As per usual, I haven’t been up to anything, which I duly documented on Instagram. If you’re interested in how you can document nothing, scroll down to see the thing which is nothing.

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Feb 19: I had my haircut and the hairdresser wrapped me in a burka. 
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Feb 20: You know you’re old when you start drinking decaf. The abomination.
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Feb 21: It’s Wednesday! It’s bin takeout day! My life is filled with exciting events. Not.
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Feb 22: I’m pleased the cat likes her play box but I wish I didn’t have bits of cardboard strewn all over the place.
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Feb 23: The cat is the best anyway.
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Feb 24: A different slant of light created by a water of glass just sitting there on the table.
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Feb 25: My business trip begins. More on that later. When I recover from the trauma.
A Week on Instagram, Where Nothing Happened

A Week on Instagram, Where Nothing Happened

I’m worried about myself. I sort of pledged to myself that I wouldn’t be doing any 365 challenge crap ever again but that’s exactly what I appear to be doing. Fortunately, there were no witnesses to my pledge, and dead men tell no lies the cat doesn’t talk. So here’s another week’s worth of a photo a day on my Instagram.

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12 Feb: Based on this post, it looks like I’ve been somewhere. But where the fuck? That much to my idea of taking a photo a day lest I forget. Instead, notice the cute yellow circle in the picture, perhaps the remainder of a manhole.
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13 Feb: I took a picture of my key collection. I’m not sure what all these are good for, presumably nothing. In fact, I only need a total of three keys. It’s not like I’m a key master.
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14 Feb: Scratch that. I totally am a key master. The post of the janitor comes bundled with a manual on what to do in case of fire (I haven’t read it yet—neither do I intend to) and with an array of keys. Make your pick.
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15 Feb: My cat hates me. Should I still have any doubts about this, she gave me this cold stare when I was going aww at her. Zip it up, human.
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16 Feb: Normal people go to a pub on Fridays, mental people colour mandalas. I recommend you stick to the pub.
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17 Feb: The highlight of the day was the flawless perfection which I achieved when bagging my groceries. That’s Tetris OCD-style. I doubt that there are many people who reach this level of professionalism in tetris for grown-ups.
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18 Feb: My life couldn’t possibly get better. I got a super cute case for my beloved phone, on which said phone thought it a great idea to start dying on me. Note to self: be aware that no phone lasts more than two years because that’s how the fucking things work these days.

 

Weekly Photo Challenge: Sweet (Kitty)

Weekly Photo Challenge: Sweet (Kitty)

In response to WP Weekly Photo Challenge: Sweet.

Stating the obvious: my sweet kitty is a sweet kitty.

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More Instagram Crap

More Instagram Crap

I do crap. Because I can. I mean, because I can’t. Can’t do better, that is. Since you appear not to hate my Instagram-to-WordPress reposts enough, you have condemned yourselves to another week’s worth of instant snaps. One day, one snap. Each snap is crap with an even crappier story to go with it. Here’s proof.

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29 Jan: I went on an adventure. To Tesco. I met this lost and lonely hairpin, symbolical of my dead and discarded dreams and hopes, and it was so moving. So moving that I snapped this and moved on. 
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30 Jan: There was an actual sunset, which means that there was an actual sun out during the day. Whew. It gave me a fright. I already forgot what sun was and mistook it for fire.
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31 Jan: You wouldn’t fucking believe it. I know I didn’t. A month later, I actually unpacked my new yoga mat and started using it. Once I hopped on it, I started to hate myself for having waited so long to break it in. It’s all kinds of awesome. 
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1 Feb: Today, nothing happened. Except I ventured in front of the building to take the dust bin out for the dustmen. Dustpeople. Let’s be gender correct. Or dustentities. In case the council employs not-people too. 
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Feb 2: I painted my nails. I thought the colours would stand out best in monochrome. Duh. They’re black anyway, with one nail tentatively yellow. I’m a wasp. 
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3 Feb: The cat is shedding like her survival depended on it. I can’t even drink coffee these days without swallowing and then coughing up a furball. Cat hair everyfuckingwhere.
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4 Feb: I got up. Got dressed. Painted my face. Did my hair. It was so awesome. I mean, it was a bloody bother, but I was surprised to find myself comparatively pretty after like a two-hour prettifying procedure. And I didn’t even go on a date.

 

Weekly Photo Challenge: Beloved Kitty

Weekly Photo Challenge: Beloved Kitty

In response to WP Weekly Photo Challenge: Beloved.

 
I recoiled in horror as I beheld the prompt for this week’s challenge. It’s been here before a thousand times and it doesn’t allow as much manoeuvring space as many other prompts. I’ve responded to this question earlier and my answer remains the same. Cat.

Well, this wasn’t much of a challenge. Giddy up, guys, and come up with something nice next time! Say, Hated? That’d probably inspire me. Not to a hateful post, but to an inspired post in which I’d actually have to do some thinking. This one I’m posting while asleep.

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My Week on Instagram

My Week on Instagram

Hey, I have some crappy photos on my Instagram, so why not slap them here? (That was a rhetorical question.) Each photo represents one day in the last week. (Be advised that I have no life, hence my photos are no photos.) For explanations, even duller than the photos, see captions.

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15 Jan: A business trip. A photo that says more than thousand words nothing but proves that I rose to the occasion, got up and got dressed. Also, see my nails. I didn’t #wakeuplikedis, I had to paint them. Extra effort.
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16 Jan: The first proper snow of this winter came in the week when it was my turn on the building’s chore wheel. Convenient. Not. I probably should’ve shovelled the shit but, instead, I waited a few days for it to thaw. Problem solved.
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17 Jan: I found neither peace nor anything else during my meditation, however, I still have painted nails and these cute yoga pants on top of it. 
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18 Jan: Breaking in a new candle. It smells vaguely of mulled wine. Give me a candle anytime and I’ll burn the world down (the same when you give me mulled wine). I wonder if candle lovers are closeted pyromaniacs. 
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19 Jan: I must’ve been watching too much Breaking Bad because whenever I see a powdered substance, I want to snort it. Also, this is magnesium and I swear it’s the best placebo I’ve ever had because it helps me shake less when I’m anxious. Which is all the time, duh.
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20 Jan: The ultimate cat box. A perfect fit for your cat. Order a yoga mat now and receive your gratis cat box! A fun note: I haven’t tried my new yoga mat yet and am still using the old one because I believe I don’t deserve nice things. Yeah, I know.  
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21 Jan: The fucking chore wheel has been haunting me all week. Sunday looked like the deadline for cleaning the building. So I was sweeping cigarette butts (not my own), stray tinsel (not my own) and dead tree needles (not my own). It’s not like I have to dispose of dead bodies, I don’t know why I hate doing this so intensely.