I Feel Good: Something’s Wrong

Today, as I was going anxiously about my business, as per usual, I was struck by a momentary epiphany. I found I wasn’t going about my business anxiously but peacefully, actually. Puzzled, I examined what the fuck. The fuck I felt good, I found.

I instantly knew that something was wrong. I don’t feel good. That’s just not what I do. I’m not even sure any more what it is like to feel good. Provisionally, I imagine feeling good is what it is when one lacks any pain, discomfort and anguish, physical and mental. Damn. That’s one hell of a definition.

Am I alive or what?

So, yeah, I noticed straight away that I wasn’t in any pain at all, which manifested as a significant lack of something. I wasn’t even feeling anxious, which is my default setting, and for a while, I was meditating on whether or not I’m still alive. How the fuck am I supposed to tell when I don’t feel anything?

My feeling good freaked me out something fierce. Fortunately, this suspended condition didn’t last. As I proceeded to go about my business peacefully, I soon noticed I was in fact going about my business anxiously. Whew. That was close. I have no clue what people who feel good on the regular do about it but if it’s you, my sympathies to you, because this shit is scary as fuck.

Yeah, I like my expletives. *shrug*

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Author: Mara Eastern

I'm a sardonic blogger, snapper, scribbler and rhymer; a virtual space invader who indulges in cheerful negativism, morbid self-deprecation and bleak humour.

40 thoughts

        1. I don’t want to be presumptuous but I believe we’re on the same page. A shame I’m not geographically closer, I suspect you’d be my best friend… (No worries though, I’m not moving over ๐Ÿ˜‰ )

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          1. Twin flame is a thing? Wow. I need to google. And I need to think about how to make meaningful connections with people who are around me. I’m sure it’s only an excuse that there’s no one around who’d get me. Hmm.

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  1. I forget how it felt. I’m taking a course in mindfulness. Perhaps if I breathe in and out and label the pain … ?!

    Do you like this theme?

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    1. Oooh, a course in mindfulness! I’m trying to practise that but it takes some much concerted effort that I’m either mindful but can do nothing else or I’m not mindful and can actually get something done…

      The theme? Mine or yours ๐Ÿ˜‰ ? I sort of hate it the least…

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  2. I see you don’t post that often these days either. It’s the same situation here (blogvise that is – emotionally speaking I guess I’m more angry than anxious – long story, for a whatsapp call not for writing/texting).

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    1. It looks like I gave up on blogging… Not much stuff going on here, all the good things are happening in Prague (wink, wink). Well, good luck with you new security career, way to channel your anger!

      Liked by 1 person

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