I Just Had a Hilarious Anxiety/Panic Attack

Hilarious is probably not the first word that comes in mind in connection with mental episodes. Especially if you’re the sufferer. But when you look at it with the eyes of the observer, it is really the best word to describe it. Hilarious.

I just had an acute mental episode over nothing. What happened? Like I say, nothing. All I did was walking over to sit at the computer and get some work done. And whoosh. Out of the blue I can’t breathe and feel a pressing urge to peel my skin off in one piece like a snake because there’s a weird sensation all over it.

I totally get that some of my fellow nutcases bang their heads against the wall or cut themselves. Clear-cut physical discomfort is a breeze. Weird mental discomfort is—weird. Also, maddening; though I’m not sure how it applies when you are already mad.

So, doing my best to perform the breathing exercise designed for panic/anxiety attacks, I hop (limp shakily) on the yoga mat and go for a classic guided breathing meditation that I have bookmarked on my phone. Now I not only want to peel my skin off but also want to rip the headphones off my head and toss the shit out of the window because it feels crazy weird against the ears too.

As the meditation progresses, so does my panic because the exercise isn’t working. However, successfully overcoming the temptation to grab the phone and toss it the same way as the headphones, I complete the meditation, put the stuff out of the reach of crazy people, remove my shorts because they feel weird and move on to administer a Lexaurin pill.

Ten minutes later, I can breathe normally. Well, not really, I could breathe normally but I can’t at the moment because I’m having a fit of hysterical laughter at myself. As I’m putting my shorts back on because they are perfectly legit, totally comfortable and don’t feel weird at all, I’m wondering what the fuck that was.

Apparently, I had a panic attack over absolutely nothing.

Well, okay, so maybe there is a workload I’m freaking about, which might have triggered the reaction. But come on, tell me something that’s new or, even better, tell me one rational reason why I should be entitled to panic over work. It’s not like my life depends on it.

Well, okay, so maybe my life does depend on my ability to work my workload. But, so what, let’s not try to reinvent the wheel here. Same old, same old: I’m a means of production owned by the capitalist society blah blah; also, exploitation, inequity, overwork, underpay blah blah, so everything is as it should be.

Well, okay, so maybe everything isn’t as it should be. However, who is to say what should be? Not me. Not anyone, as far as I’m concerned. (I wonder if that makes me an anarchist? And is that a bad thing? — I’m glad I don’t subscribe to the good/bad dichotomy, looks like it’s complicated as fuck.) My point is: what is there to panic about when there is no point anyway? I wish my panicky brain finally got it. Duh.

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Author: Mara Eastern

I'm a sardonic blogger, snapper, scribbler and rhymer; a virtual space invader who indulges in cheerful negativism, morbid self-deprecation and bleak humour.

42 thoughts

    1. Why, thank you, I’m apparently not quite OK, but all things considering, okayish! I don’t even know if pot is legal here, likely not, but I’m not tempted. I’m not keen on this kind of things, I guess I’ll just stick to my pills, which work fine. I just don’t like to take them, so sometimes I wait for too long before popping one in emergency. Oh well.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. If this helps, I must take blood pressure pills twice daily, along with meds for Diabetes and one ‘happy pill’ each day. I have integrated the entire pill routine into daily life. No other choice Mara. ❤️

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          1. Understood. But bear in mind that a little more rent could be worth it … for your general well-being.

            To me, the living conditions are important. It totally brings me down to sit and look around in a place that’s not to my liking. I’ve often toyed with the idea of going back to my hometown some time in the future … now I’m not so sure anymore. I need civilisation too.

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          2. I completely agree. For some reasons, it’s super important for me where I live and what the place looks like. Currently I’m stuck in a village in a flat with a rather ugly and battered kitchen unit and floors so worn that it’s almost legit vintage. Well, maybe not the nasty kitchen linoleum. But the rent is half what I’d pay elsewhere and I’m not earning enough (hopefully yet) to move. A family member owns the tenement, so I have a special rent and special treatment — including the caveat that I’m allowed a cat in the flat. While it’s technically unlawful, most owners won’t let to a person with pets, many won’t let to a person with a number of children, to indoor smokers etc.

            Liked by 1 person

          3. When people ask me what I miss from home, I’m tempted to say ‘Swedish building standard’. I do miss the white, almost clinical looking, apartments, with excellent ventilation systems and lots of other details. Clean! The things about pets and smoking are the same here — some allow it, some don’t. In our building cats are allowed but not dogs. That’s understandable.

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          4. Scandinavian living style is famous, of course, and it’s my style too, to much extent. I’d love to live in a newish modern flat, doesn’t need to be big at all, just neat and nice.

            It’s curious that you can have cats but not dogs: probably depends on the cultural perceptions too. Here, dogs are more popular and more likely to be allowed. Cats are seen by not-cat-people as creatures that scratch everything and pee everywhere. Ironically, mine does neither of these things. But tell it to a hostile landlord.

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          5. It’s because if they have a dog and leave for work in the morning … the dog might be quiet when they leave, then he barks until lunchtime, when they get back to walk him. They wouldn’t know how he’s been barking … the cat keeps quiet 🤫 meow

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      1. Since Arvo is there, it bugs me that THEY should decide it’s for headings only. I pay for this damned stuff, and I should be able to use the fonts anywhere I bloody please.

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        1. WP is weird this way. It’s the fonts and the palettes too. Formerly, you could pick one colour from the offered palette in the Customiser; now you can only apply the entire palette as-is. The results are unusable. Every time someone applies this ready-made palette, an UX specialist dies. Wait. You don’t even need to be an UX specialist. So every time a person with eyes dies. Sorry.

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          1. LOLOLOL! but true. And you never let three people light their cigarettes on the same match. Someone will die 🙂

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  1. Yow, that’s awful. I guess a silver lining is that you weren’t on the bus or train when your shorts bothered you so much you had to rip them off… Could have been a tad awkward.

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    1. Haha, yes, I’m sure there are many upsides to my funny episode! I saw it on the movies, people having mental episodes and stripping stark naked, and I always thought, haha, that’s really stupid — well, it is stupid but it apparently is a real thing…

      Liked by 1 person

    1. It’s nice to pop in again after quite a while and see you’re still here, it’s great! Yep, the paper bag thing is a classic; I am prone to panic/anxiety attacks, and I usually manage just by breathing and meditating, but this one was weird. At least something new for a change 😉

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Not a clue what to do when this happens. I guess I was surprised that you were able to go to the bookmark on your phone. Does your cat stay to watch that you are OK? I mean, what if she needed your phone to call for the medics and here you are trying to do yoga with. Have a little consideration, Mara. 🙂

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    1. Oh no worries, anxiety/panic attacks are quite routine things for me, though this one was weird — at least I got something new for a change! I was told that even though I feel like passing out in states like this, it’s very unlikely to happen because it’s not like I’m having a heart attack, it’s just me freaking out. So I should be fine — and the cat too 😉

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  3. Panic attacks are underrated. I get them too out of the blue and like you said, it feels like you want to peel your skin off. For me, my world starts spinning up until I just sew bright white light, shakes, sweats, feeling like I’m going to die. And it lasts 20 minutes tops, going as suddenly as it comes…and I’ve come to think it:s just the way our bodies are wired. Sitting still through an attack is so, so hard…you just want to fidget and you can still hear the world around you 😐

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    1. Oh, I’m so sorry to hear that you are no stranger to this kind of experience! It sucks. Especially when you’re young and bright, which you are — I mean, I’m obviously somewhat on the crazy side already by the look of me, so it’s no surprise with me. But to imagine you being troubled like this, not nice.

      I’m glad to notice that you have a great sense of humour though and a healthy perspective on life, which surely helps. Take care!

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      1. I’ve had panic attacks since I was in high school…so I’ve experienced them for a long time now. Last time that happened was a few months ago in the shopping mall and I decided to lock myself in the toilet until it was over…and through the toilet door’s cracks I could see a line of people lol.

        You take care too. I think you look less crazy than me 😛

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  4. Hey! Do you think the meditation worked/helped at all? I haven’t had a panic attack in ages I have just done a blog post about preventing them without medication. As you mentioned the meditation may be worth you checking it out? Hopefully you will be panic attack free now or at the very least get a break for a while. I used to (almost literslly haha) crap myself from mine. Especially as a child because I used to get them when I was really young too was terrifying. Anyway here’s the article in case you did want to check it out xx
    https://sarahjennajayne.com/how-to-prevent-panic-attacks-cure-your-panic-attacks-without-medication/

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    1. Thanks for stopping by and sharing your experience, however unpleasant! I actually have a great experience with breathing and meditation, but sometimes I do need the pill when it gets too bad. The pill works miracles, though sure I prefer to avoid it.

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  5. I work in a PRTF where mental health is real and serious, but I got to tell you we all laugh so much every day. Thanks for the candid description of your panic attack and sharing that it is okay and sometimes pretty healthy to laugh at some of our craziness. Well done.

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    1. Thank you for your great comment and for stopping by! Mental health is no joking matter, of course, but — it is so hilarious sometimes that you just can’t help yourself!

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