The other day I saw a wonderfully fitting comics, which I can’t be bothered locating again, so I’ll retell it without pictures:

Getting the first tattoo: Oh, it must be something deep and meaningful!
Next tattoos: A unicorn? Sure, I like unicorns!

(I don’t personally like unicorns, as you might remember from my old blog tagline, which said that I’d feed any unicorn in my proximity to my cat or, even better, sell it on eBay.)

Currently on tattoo number three, I didn’t attempt to invent anything deeply meaningful and entirely new because, duh, you can’t do that, everything’s been here already. Also, we’re all going to die anyway (that’s my deep personal motto) and a permanent tattoo is about as permanent as life. Which is, not much. So I just ripped a prefabricated design I liked off the internet. Shrug.

Since I’m a self-declared Buddhist, I picked what’s called the ensō, a hand-drawn circle achieved by a single stroke of the brush. It’s symbolic of Zen or anything you want, really. The image that I brought to the tattoo artist was computer-made, but the guy turned out to be less incompetent than I’d feared and suggested he’d do it for me with an actual brush. Hey, so I ended up with a unique pattern after all!

My appointment for the deed was at 8 AM. What the actual fuck. I don’t normally get up until noon, so this was an act of torture. I walked in the studio zombie-like and proceeded to undress with machine-like movements (not to undress completely, just partially, because I’d freeze to death, duh). As the man prepped his junk (no innuendo intended) and switched on the tattoo machine, the device started to make sounds like the dentist’s drill and I freaked out. (I’m terrified of the dentist.) I may or may have not yelled:

Aw, fuck, I should’ve taken Lexaurin before THIS!

The man made me promise I won’t swear at him dirty, which I did (promise), and I also promised that I’d just cry quietly and that he needn’t mind me. Besides dentists, I’m terrified of pain, which, it turns out, is entirely idiotic and superstitious because during the one-hour tattooing session, I didn’t experience worse than gentle discomfort (only as the needle hit the collar bone—I’m having this circle shit circling my shoulder cap) and it was just nice, wholesome physical pain, which is laughable when compared to the stuff I deal with courtesy of my depression slash anxiety.

I had a lovely chat with the tattoo guy though. What a social occasion for me who doesn’t have a life! The man turned out, surprisingly, to be able to digest my very black and mean humour, which I rarely encounter in people (or in animals, I suppose). So, I seated myself in a comfortable cross-legged meditation seat, ready to go:

He asks: Uh, how long do you think you can sit like this?
Me: Uh, hours on end, I guess?

Please note that I’m a girl and a yogi girl, and hence it’s totally normal for me to sit cross-legged. It’s the best because I don’t topple when I have the extra support of the crossed legs.

On this note, the tattoo man was quite trusting and didn’t seem to mind that I had my knee in his crotch half of the time. No one got hurt though, I mean, except my shoulder, apparently, which didn’t even hurt. Some way into it, I started to doze off. Yawn. I really should be sleeping:

You okay? asks the tattoo guy.
Yeah. Just bored. I retort.

On which he offers me the tattoo machine:

Wanna try it?

I’m considering it. But:

Nah, I’m good. Wake me up when you’re done

In case you’re dozing off reading this, yawn, let me conclude that all seemed to go well, I love the result, and since I had such a good time, I’ll be coming again. As to a picture of the result, I didn’t take a good one when the tattoo was fresh, and now it’s not a good time, since it’s healing and peeling and whatnot. But I assume you can imagine a circle around the shoulder, right? Also, an afterthought: the priceless response of my friend, whom I bragged and who isn’t into tattoos:

But won’t that show too much in summer? 

Hmm. That’s sort of the idea, no?

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Posted by Mara Eastern

I'm a sardonic blogger, snapper, scribbler and rhymer; a virtual space invader who indulges in cheerful negativism, morbid self-deprecation and bleak humour.

17 Comments

  1. Cool man! I wanna see it! I have just one tattoo, it’s 15 years old and was re-inked a couple months ago. Photo on my site somewhere. The itching is horrid isn’t it! 😳🤨😖🤪

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    1. Yep, I’ve been following your journey renewing your tattoo! The itching is annoying, but overall, it’s less bother than I’d thought.

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  2. Sounds like a riveting experience alll round! Look forward to seeing your enso 🙂

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    1. It was a great fun! More than one would expect 🙂

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  3. The tattoo parlor I use (I have 12 tattoos…soon as chemo is done, I want more) doesn’t open until 2pm and they stay open until midnight. Eight am–that’s earlier than my grocery store opens!

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    1. Wow. That’s a lot to process: chemo? I don’t want to cross-question you, but a chemo?! On a more pleasant note, I now need to explore your blog to see if your have pictures of your tattoos there. And you do take care!

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      1. No pictures of tattoos! Hopefully, I finish up 2 years of chemo next month. Cancer was a bit of a bummer but, luckily, I am still my spunky, snarky self. Indeed I am!

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        1. At least I got the occasion to browse around your blog and it was a pleasure! It’s also a pleasure to hear you’ve got better. Some people get understandably humourless with disease, but this is sooo not your case! You rock it!

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          1. If I stop laughing, I must be dead. And we will have no deadness on my blog! Feeling stronger all the time, Mara. Thanks so much.

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          2. Awesome! It’s not often that I say awesome, but awesome.

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  4. 8am – eek! Looking forward to seeing it 😊

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    1. I know right! Some people just have no sense of what an appropriate or even acceptable hour for an appointment is.

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      1. Meanwhile, I woke at 2 last night and spent a sleepless hour scrolling through social media and emailing myself a bunch of notes for things that kept popping into my head. And now I’m up before 6. Ugh.

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        1. Oh poor thing! Hope you’re doing well, take care!

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          1. Thanks Mara – am getting there. X

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  5. I’ve sat through 5 tattoos and I’m planning my 6th and I’ve never been able to sleep through the experience lol. For someone who said they don’t like pain you did very well!

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    1. I was probably so sleepy that it trumped the pain, if any 🙂 Tattoos are addictive, right? I’m always planning a new one…

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