What I’ve Been Up to during the Holidays

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My holiday programme could be summed up in one word: nothing. But then I’d have nothing to blog about, so let’s elaborate.

I spent the holiday with my family: Ella, Lena, Apple, Broken Bastard and, most important, WiFi. In other words, I was home alone (plus one, that is, cat). So as not to be lonely, I was spending quality time with the cat (the above-mentioned Ella) and my favourite devices, which I named (like Robinson’s Wilson the Ball). Lena is my laptop and my bestie. Apple is the iPad with whom I have a love-and-hate relationship and only use it for reading Kindle books. The Broken Bastard is my electric heater, which is broken, hence bastard. As to WiFi, duh, self-explanatory.

My festive mood was oscillating between severely depressed and fiercely grumpy. On the Christmas Day, I was flooded with seasonal wishes on Facebook, which were mostly the identical Facebook-generated card. I soon developed a strong allergic reaction against it.

On a whim, I texted my academic colleague a customised wish: “Though Christmas is a social construct, have a good one!” She replied with happy holidays and the wish that god may bless me. That made me grumpy. How many times do I have to publicly declare that a) I’m Buddhist and don’t celebrate Christian holidays (and, obviously, don’t believe in god’s blessings); b) I’m depressed and grumpy, hence wishing me a happy anything is really a waste of a perfectly good wish.

On the Christmas Eve, I found myself digging in the Windows registry for fun. Even I considered this a twisted way to spend the holiday. So I went to reorganise my desktop folders instead. Seeing that this was not much better, I proceeded to change my phone ringtones. I was really just waiting the season out.

IMG_20171219_151503-01
That’s me in the ball

On the New Year’s Eve, I started to organise my work and life for the new year, obsessively filling in my several planning diaries and journals. A good try, alas, I failed in all instances. I switched on a boring radio station so as not to miss the countdown to midnight. I didn’t miss it, but it was anti-climactic. The moderator invited a charwoman to the microphone and they both dispensed their best wishes.

I tried to toast to my cat (not toast my cat as in putting her in a toaster), but she was shitting herself with fright from the fireworks under the sofa and refused to come out. And the next thing I remember is a hangover and another shitty year beginning. The cat foretold it right.

I’m particularly proud of the new year’s wish I posted on Instagram, so I’ll repeat it here: If you’re a guy, may your new year not suck. And if it sucks, may it at least swallow. (This joke I stole.) If you’re a gal, may your new year not be a dick. Actually… (This one I didn’t steal.) Well, let’s hope my new year will be a dick.

Also, I do not offer my apologies for my somewhat inappropriate sense of humour. I’m true to myself. Which is actually the moral of The Scarlet Letter by Hawthorne:

Be true! Be true! Be true! Show freely to the world, if not your worst, yet some trait whereby the worst may be inferred!

So, this is where sex jokes and classics of American literature meet.

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10 comments on “What I’ve Been Up to during the Holidays”

  1. So I shall refrain from wishing you well in any shape or form so as to not exacerbate the grumpiness you already are enjoying. Had I been in your neighbourhood I would have swung by with chocolates or something in the vain attempt to lighten your mood…. as for your new year wishes, I’m hoping my life won’t suck and certainly won’t be a dick. Have a good one – can I say that?

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    1. I keep on repeating myself but it’s still true: you never fail to cheer me up with your humour, generosity and sympathy. Actually, I very much loved your Christmas cards – but they were personal, not something ripped off Facebook – so your Christmas/New Year wishes are exception that prove the rule of my grumpiness. Thank you!

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  2. I’m glad Ella didn’t get toasted, although I am a bit worried about those fireworks under the sofa. Hope they didn’t scald her. My furry pal was just as terrified of the fireworks here, shivering and shaking in my arms. I am, given I do celebrate these festivities, now in the process of returning my home to a sense of humdrum normality. It needs a good clean. The kids are gone, there are still some remnants of chocolates (yay!) to spur me on. So, Mara, Be True as only you can be 🙂

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    1. Lol, there were no fireworks under the bed, I just messed up my words when describing the fireworks outside…

      It’s tough on pets, this season, with all the humbug and noise and comings and goings, good it’s over and we’re back to normal!

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      1. I think I knew that about the fireworks 🙂 Those of us with English as a second language do get the order of words mixed up. Makes for more interesting reading, I say !

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  3. They can say ‘Happy Whatever’ to me … I don’t care. I have a contact on FB who constantly states she’s an atheist … still she goes on about Heaven and angels yada yada. Give me a break, she needs to read up on atheism. LOL

    Sounds your holidays were pretty good [in spite of the hang-over, but that was self-induced]. I’ve had many Christmases like that when I was single.

    My friend, back home, brought her cellphone outside at midnight, so I got to hear the bells from the Cathedral. That was pretty cool …

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    1. Angels? No… I have an acquaintance who seriously believes in angels: no the Christian ones, but some kind of creatures that protect people or what. It’s puzzling. I try to respect her faith but it’s still puzzling.

      Aw, it must have been nice to have a Swedish New Year and a Canadian one as well, with hearing the bells over the phone!

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