Some time ago, when I was in the supermarket, I noticed there were Christmas sweets conspicuously blocking the centre of the main aisle. I thought it strange, wondering if that was last year’s stock that they forgot to put down. Then, as I was leaving the place, I overheard some people discussing the C-word. Christmas. I considered them insane because it’s clearly too soon for that shit.

Then I went to have my hair cut to my usual hairdresser. She remembers me well enough to know what I want when I ask for my usual, but she keeps on forgetting that I’m the weird moron who doesn’t talk. Her first question, after making sure that I really wanted half my hair shaved off again, was, So have you already got your C-presents? I froze at the irrelevancy of such an inquiry. Then I replied, I’m Buddhist.

On which it was the hairdresser’s turn to freeze, not knowing what the fuck was going on. Well, nothing is going on, which is precisely the idea. I’m not Christian, so I don’t celebrate Christmas. See, Christian–Christmas, it’s sort of obvious that these two concepts are related, no? I don’t celebrate anything for the matter. Except the New Year. As long as celebrating means feeling awkward and wishing everything went back to normal asap. Celebrating is a social construct anyway. That’s a nice way to say it’s humbug.

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Posted by Mara Eastern

I'm a sardonic blogger, snapper, scribbler and rhymer; a virtual space invader who indulges in cheerful negativism, morbid self-deprecation and bleak humour.

22 Comments

  1. I am with you. I am not ready for thoughts of Christmas yet. Why are companies always trying to rush us through the year? It used to be the case that Thanksgiving held back the floodgates of Christmas here in the US – according to my husband and in-laws anyway – but in the four years that I have lived here, it feels like there is just a mash-up between Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas that starts just after Independence Day. Slow the hell down! Life goes by quickly enough, people.

    I am a life long atheist but we do celebrate Christmas in our own way. Tree, exchanging gifts, and gorging on rich food. That’s basically it. Sometimes I feel like I only celebrate Christmas so I can moan about the stress of it all though. Bah humbug.

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    1. Oh my, you put it quite well, it’s even more demanding in the US with the Independence Day through Thanksgiving lineup. We don’t have so many major holidays here, it’s mostly just Easter and Christmas – but before Christmas, it’s St Nicholas Day, which is rehearsal for the Christmas Day.

      I used to like Christmas as a kid, the staying at home, presents, food, but then the charm wore off for me. As I live alone, no one pushes me to do any celebrations, so the more I’m surprised then by other people making so much fuss. It should be a bloody holiday of peace and quiet, no?

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      1. I must confess that I love the Christmases when we have no guests and it is just the six of us doing our own thing, comfy in our own space(s), donning pyjamas when we feel like it, eating and drinking as we please. What I like about the holiday is relaxing in and enjoying each other’s company which I have never accomplished if we are with extended family or other guests.

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        1. Relaxing time is the only redeeming feature of Christmas 😉 I used to love the time off as a kid, it was a long school holiday, but it’s different when you’re grown up.

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  2. Ew. I have been seeing the C-crap everywhere, including lights already winking from houses. Vomit. Despise this time of year.

    I do love Darwin Day, though.

    I have similar hair-style-encounters. I remain stolidly silent while I get most of my hair shaved, as well. I finally found one that does not protest and pipes down- so I stare at her scruffy little dog or glare into a dingy corner of the floor and wait for the ordeal to be over in pure black silence. It works.

    (Pours another)

    Cheers.

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    1. Darwin Day is the best. I’m a serious candidate for the Darwin Prize.

      My favourite holiday, however, is no holiday. An ordinary day is my favourite holiday. I like the usual.

      Here’s to your health! Cheers!

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  3. You can’t escape it can you…every shop you go to now has Christmas plastered everywhere in front of you…in my position in this world with children Christmas is something we do celebrate because we always have and their children expect it from me. For a long time, I resisted the temptation to have decorations but I have succumbed in a sort of way to a tasteful wreath on my front door. Do you know the ‘elf on a shelf’ thing that is around now? I have one and my gkids think its great, his name is “Bunder” because when we named him my grandson at the time couldn’t say “Thunder” so ‘Bunder became his name and he visits each of the households around here in the weeks before Christmas Day….anyway its getting close isn’t it and we have to put up with it all then its over and you get to bring in the new year which I have an equal aversion to…..

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    1. Elf on a shelf? I have no idea! I have cat on a shelf.

      I used to do Christmas when I felt it was my obligation to my family, but then got sense and decided I wasn’t obliged to torture myself really 🙂

      I’m looking forward to all the fuss being over, it’s getting bigger and fussier each year, and I prefer peace and quiet…

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      1. I’ll send you a image : look here and you can see…its great fun when you have little kids:
        https://www.elfontheshelf.com.au/?from=elfontheshelf.com

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        1. Ah, thank you for the link, I see what you mean now! They’re quite cute. I could get an elf crossed with a cat.

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          1. Well yes…its almost time to get mine out….Gkids love it, especially when he moves around their house when they are watching..

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  4. Christmas was up before Halloween–craziness! I say we all trick or treat as Santa Claus and kill two birds with one stone. So to speak.

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    1. Haha, it’s all mushed together and all so confusing! I’m beginning to be positively scared of Christmas…

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  5. So sad everything is over-commercialised these days. We do celebrate Christmas, but i do my best to keep it simple and stress free. For me it’s family time and a way of showing sharing and caring.

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    1. Simple and stress-free is the key. It’s so hard to do though, with all the pressure around you!

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      1. Tell me about it! I refuse to give in to the stress of it all.

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  6. I was wandering through my local mall yesterday, and it played a steady number of Christmas carols. As to the decorations… I’m now convinced they just did up the decorations one year, took photos for reference, and then duplicated it this year. Feels like it’s happening earlier each year.

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    1. Haha, yes, I’m sure that’s what’s happening! I haven’t had the bad luck of getting to hear Christmas carols this year yet, but I’m sure it’s only a matter of time. I’ll try not to hang out in shopping malls…

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  7. Christmas is definitely humbug. Jesus is humbug too. Christianity is humbug and the other Abrahamic religions are also humbug. It’s nothing but a pile of shit, stacked on top of another pile of shit.

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    1. and those piles are built on a foundation of diarrhea.

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      1. That’s very sound foundations for sure.

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    2. Haha, I see you’re very passionate about religion 😀 Religion scares the shit out of me. I once tried reading the Bible – as a literary work – and it was, I’m sorry to say, the worst and most hateful book I ever had the bad luck to open. Now god will send down a bolt of lightning and kill me. So if I’m not back, you’ll know what happened.

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