Yesterday I was at a career fair. I didn’t go looking for a career, I’m currently looking for a will to live, and I don’t want to be looking for too many things at once. I was actually hired to help hopeful job hunters with their CVs. Everyone needs help with their CV because no one knows how to do this mysterious genre properly. Except me, obviously.

At the venue, I got a name tag and a booth of my own. I brought along a book and was hoping to spend the day pleasantly occupied reading my book, wandering around the premises and taking selfies. Unfortunately, people were so keen on having a CV consultation that I only had time for one bathroom break, one coffee break and several smoke breaks, which I masqueraded as pee breaks.

When I had a minute of peace, I couldn’t get my peace either because a camera person jumped on me and informed me that I was going to tell him on the camera what I was doing here and what it was good for. I meekly protested, saying I’d prefer not to discuss metaphysical questions. Also, I’m not even here, and if I am here, then it’s to crush people’s spirits and get paid for it.

The cameraman insisted. Serve him right. Because I still have some residual sense, I knew better than to express my private opinions publicly. So, accompanied with the man’s encouraging nodding, I weaved a tale on the spot on how exciting it is to participate at this unique occasion and get to lend young talented people a hand with getting the career they deserve. A load of shit. But I’ll be a TV star.

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Posted by Mara Eastern

I'm a sardonic blogger, snapper, scribbler and rhymer; a virtual space invader who indulges in cheerful negativism, morbid self-deprecation and bleak humour.

15 Comments

  1. Just think in years to come when you are a reality TV show, slinging your shit for all and anyone to take notice you’ll remember the innocent cameraman who initiated your move to stardom….I look forward to telling people I remember when she questioned her will to live now she is living the star lifestyle…..see I’m mostly optimistic….lol

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    1. Haha, thank you for your comment, you’re the best and never fail to cheer me up/make me smile 😀 Your optimism is infectious. Also, should you want to secure my autogram in time before I get too famous, let me know 😉

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      1. Expect a letter in the mail..

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  2. I know you enjoyed the camera thing…

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    1. I did, I like role playing 😀

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  3. Sounds like a good day was had !

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    1. It was fun, thought it was a bit demanding.

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  4. I envy your ability to compartmentalize and drum up a sensational amount of energy. You are sashaying about, helping people while also becoming the next grand television success story, and here I am, sad sap, currently dodging yet another deadline, hoping the Arrow of Time will just stop, and sighing heavily over another local “police alert” about a dread-locked man who is going around town stealing indoor cats from veterinarian lobbies- he shoves them into a stained, cloth sack and runs off into neighbouring trailer parks for refuge…

    This is my life…

    Very entertaining post. I trust you were very scintillating for the camera, indeed 😉

    Cheers.

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    1. Aw, thank you for your hilarious and kind comment! I must immodestly admit I sometimes surprise myself that I manage to go through the day as a normally functioning and impeccably sane person – and manage to wait until I’m home to collapse, crawl into a corner and rock to and fro. Anyway.

      I do hope the story about kitten thief is gossip. Too horrible.

      Good luck fencing with the deadlines. I know what you mean…

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      1. Rather a routine sort of pastime for this area, I fear. Who knows what Gutter Scruff is doing to the filched felines. Probably just lets them run loose in some strange caravan park after he comes down off whatever vile substance he’d been huffing.

        Ha. I was never so irresponsible and professionally slovenly in my perfectionist-days of old but those days are long gone now.

        Thanks for the words of encouragement.

        (glances furtively at clock)

        Keep rocking.

        toad

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        1. And you keep rocking. Cheers!

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  5. That’s so funny – your inner cynic aching to spill out, kept down by the Audrey Hepburn side of you, smiling, posing, enthusiastic. Love it

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    1. Aw, thank you for your wonderful comment, you put it so nicely! ❤

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      1. My total pleasure 🙂

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