How I Met My Father (and Nothing Happened)

22 comments

My yesterday’s post concerning my anticipation anxiety (a fancy term for being preventively scared) about my father’s visit rose some questions. Such as, have I never met my father before? What’s wrong with my father? What’s wrong with me? What the fuck is it even all about?

Let’s start chronologically. I grew up with both my parents in what was then considered a perfectly normal family but would today be probably called dysfunctional (because today we have pretty terms for everything). I moved out when I was eighteen and then the whole of my family went crazy (that is, even crazier) and started suing each other for an assortment of reasons (also, I didn’t sue anyone because I couldn’t be bothered).

To skip the boring details, the result was that I lost touch with various family members for various lengths of time. The constellations are constantly changing and currently, no one talks with anyone else, except for me, who talks with everyone but tells no one that I talk with everyone. Totally straightforward.

I resumed contact with my father last year and we occasionally speak on the phone and rarely visit each other. His today’s visit was a social call and an opportunity to tell me in person that I piss him off, in case it was not clear. I can’t find a convenient label for my father, so let’s say that he’s difficult (to say the least). He is a rather offensive character too (either that, or I’m hypersensitive).

The father arrived while I was mid-way through my first morning cigarette and contemplating whether the situation is as extreme as to require administering Lexaurin or not. I didn’t get to either finish my cigarette or to come to a conclusion of my contemplation. Well, I let the old frail and ill person in (I have a fixed image in my mind of my parents when they were in their fifties and somehow can’t take it that they’re getting on their seventies these days).

I offered the usual soft beverages. Father replied I may just as well shove them up my ass unless I have rum. I unwisely admitted I had slivovitz, which he decided to have for breakfast. He consumed a considerable portion of my stock before his second wife arrived and put an end to it (he doesn’t have two wives, he remarried after divorcing my mother). There’s a reason why his liver is a goner. So, I was trying to maintain a conversation, which wasn’t too interesting, and I learned the following trivia:

  • I piss my father off. (Old news.)
  • I only cost my father money and nerves. (I guess so.)
  • I should start growing my hair back because he won’t have me attend his funeral with my head half-shaved. He didn’t appreciate that I put on a hairband to hide my hair and no-hair. (I’m not fucking getting my hair grown even if it should be father’s last wish. Full stop.)
  • I should avoid alcohol. (I agree.)
  • I should quit smoking because I’m an idiot to smoke. (I agree.)
  • I should pull myself and my life together. (Yes.)

Well, what an uneventful visit and waste of time, even. You asked for a picture of a sun if the visit goes alright, but I don’t remember what the sun is. I have a rough idea but I haven’t seen it for weeks. Instead, here’s a picture of fog. Close enough, no?

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22 comments on “How I Met My Father (and Nothing Happened)”

  1. One of the interesting things about parenting I discovered is that some parents can never stop being parents. Then again as parents we are always parents but what I mean is some cannot accept that their children grow into adults, make decisions and in some cases have their own children.
    My ex is like that with my kids. She can’t come to terms with them being adults because that would mean for her giving up the power she thinks is important to have over them. Your dad sounds a bit the same.
    As parents we can give all the advice we want, lecture till the cows come home and never get anywhere because we fail to recognise that in front of us are adults more than capable of making their own decisions. My kids don’t do all I’d like them to do, some drink too much, smoke too much, stay out and sleep with more people than is probably healthy for them but the bottom line is I respect them for who they are, I leave open lines of communication for despite everything my role as a father is to be there for them even when they piss me off. Most of the time they don’t so I’m lucky that way.
    I like to enjoy my kids for the people they are….and thankfully we all seem to get along ok.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oh wait, isn’t it the case of all parents that they can’t stop being parents? It’s certainly the case of mine. Though they sometimes do their parenting in somewhat unorthodox ways.

      I believe parents have the right to advise their children on their lives and the children have the right not to listen and to whatever the heck they want.

      Glad to hear you have a good relationship with your kids. You do give the impression of a good parent.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I’m sorry it’s this way with your family Mara. Trust me, mine has its issues. My sister and I speak twice per year at best as an example.

    Another example: My Ex is from California. She grew up in a sunshine state. She lived with me up north for eight years.

    As the years passed, she became depressed, not because our marriage was sour though. After some blood tests and stuff, turns out she had a very low level of Vitamin D in her system.

    She began taking a D Supplement and in a few weeks was feeling much better. We get lots of D here in the desert which is a vitamin we all need from our sun. Have you considered a D supplement for mood?

    Having grown up up north, I was apparently used to the lack of daily sunshine and was not affected by those months of moon…

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    1. Wow, that’s interesting about the sunshine! I heard about the influence of daylight/sunshine on the mood before but didn’t pay it too much attention. I actually shun daylight and I never go out in the sun unless I have to. I guess it could be a factor. I’ve tried different kinds of vitamins and supplements but they didn’t work really, I felt like I was wasting my money, so I don’t know.

      Sorry to hear that you have family troubles of your own. I guess that happens too often.

      Liked by 2 people

      1. John’s right about Vit D. It has a huge impact on health if it is depleted. Some foods, like mushrooms, have lots. If you put them out in the sun even for a few hours, it skyrockets (the vit D that is).

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      2. Trouble in general will always find you, it’s a part of life. I believe you’d benefit from a Vitamin D regimen Mara. Start with the simple fixes first.

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  3. I completely agree with Loisajay!
    If someone is not making your life better by treating you fairly and making you happy, they shouldn’t be allowed in your life, even though they’re your parents.
    That’s so unfortunate (for lack of a better word) that your father can not be more supportive… he may be in need of support himself.
    Take care of yourself, it’s the mist important.
    Fog or sun, you’re much better afterwards.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. You have a great point: I think as my father is getting older and increasingly ill, I feel like he’s trying to connect with me so as not to be alone or something. I used to think that toxic family members should be excluded from the family, but then I realised I’d have no family left. Oh well, we all have our struggles, right πŸ™‚ Thank you and take care too!

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      1. As long as you know how to distance yourself from harm… sometimes that’s the hardest part for me with complicated family members…
        Not sure yet what’s best: no family left or complicated and harmful relationships with them?…
        Ohm! Yoga and meditation might help! πŸ˜‰

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        1. Absolutely, yoga and meditation are life savers for me! You’re right, it’s all about taking an appropriate distance and not letting it get you. I’m much better at this than I used to be as a kid. So I guess everything is as it should be.

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  4. He must be a very miserable man. Sad for him. Sad for you. But you have it in perspective. I like th pink/purple hair cut πŸ™‚ I went to a funeral of a work colleague once where we were all asked to wear bright, colourful things in her honour. One guy turned up with green hair. It was the most cheerful looking funeral I have ever been to.

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    1. That’s exactly what I’m thinking! That he’s miserable. One is sorry for him rather than angry with him. I imagine you’d like pink hair! Nothing wrong with it. I’ve heard about this kind of “cheerful” funerals, it’s something different for sure, though I don’t know if I’d like it or not.

      Liked by 1 person

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