I wish either my father or my mother, or indeed both of them, as they were in duty both equally bound to it, had minded what they were about when they begot me.
—Laurence Sterne, Tristram Shandy

My father is visiting tomorrow in the middle of the night. Specifically at 8 AM. This illustrates his lack of both sense and sensibility because it’s four hours before my wake time. It’s not even a real hour.

I’m deeply metaphysically terrified of meeting my creator. By which I mean my father. I don’t specialise in family psychology but I suspect that the presence of terror might constitute an abnormal response to the stimuli presented. I was probably terrorised as a child and the primitive parts of my brain remember, though the protective parts of my brain repressed the memory.

My father occasionally calls me to inform me that I piss him off. He uses this in lieu of greeting and doesn’t state any particular reason. I’m not even curious. The reason is probably because I exist anyway. Totally legit, though my father had better blame himself for this fact. It’s not like I made myself exist because I had nothing better to do and thought it would be a good idea.

I certainly blame my father and my mother by association for producing me. It wasn’t very fortunate and everyone would be spared a lot of pain in the ass if I hadn’t been born. I don’t particularly appreciate being alive, as has probably transpired. A shame I was conceived before the rise of the Don’t breed, adopmotto. It’s probably Don’t buy, adopt, but whatever.

While waiting for my fate, aka father, I shot the crazy night storm that is currently happening. You’ll have to imagine that because I shot it with my phone through my filthy window (courtesy of the cat) and the camera captured—nothing.

Nothing

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Posted by Mara Eastern

I'm a sardonic blogger, snapper, scribbler and rhymer; a virtual space invader who indulges in cheerful negativism, morbid self-deprecation and bleak humour.

29 Comments

  1. I hope this meeting goes better than you believe it will. Is this the first time you’ve actually met him?

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    1. Thank you! It went alright, actually. It does sound like I’m meeting my father for the first time, but I grew up with both my parents, we just got estranged and only recently renewed communication.

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  2. I actually like the night shot – it’s mood matches your content. I’m glad you exist – your deprecating sense of humour is delightful 🙂

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    1. Thank you a lot! I figured that at least my night shot is authentic – and it seemed right for the post 🙂 It’s great to have supportive blogging buddies, I appreciate you.

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      1. Aww, thank you 🙂 I really enjoy our ‘discussions’, and of course appreciate you !

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        1. It’s a pleasure and honour to know you!

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          1. blush 🙂 🙂 🙂

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  3. Why exactly is he coming? Seems an effort if its to say you piss him off still. Anyway there is a theory that as we age we mellow in our attitude to things. One of my mates years ago used to say it was what he liked about me, I was mellow, he was not, he aspired to be like me. Can you believe that?
    Are you the only child of his loins?
    So by now you realise we are all on the edge of our seats awaiting news of the visit.
    Hope goes as well as can be expected.
    Maybe if we see a sun photo we’ll know its ok to ask?

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    1. Ha, thank you for your comments – I’m surprised how much response this messy impromptu post got! I see I managed to intrigue everyone, I’ll probably try to produce a follow-up post to explain to anyone who’s interested 🙂

      You have an excellent point about mellowing with age. While my age might be slight in comparison, I’ve noticed I’ve grown much more tolerant to offensive family members and relatives and people in general. The same goes for my father, somewhat differently, but he is certainly getting sentimental.

      The visit went surprisingly alright. I might need to hunt for a photo of the sun 🙂

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      1. Mellowing seems to happen as we age, though I’m not sure about my ex who stills practices the art of vindictiveness on a daily basis. And I should add as we age a lot, like your dad, and not me, sentimentality does become a factor in our lives, we start to cling to things from the past in all sorts of ways, like when my dad died I kept all his caps hanging where they had always hung for a few years before I removed them, put them away, never to be thrown away, why? Sentimentality.

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        1. Some people probably remain bitter forever. I thought it would be me, but I moved from hating my parents to tolerating them, mostly. I’m not sentimental yet though!

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          1. Sentimental will come later, be patient…lol

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          2. I suspected that much.

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    2. And yes, I can totally believe that you are a role model 🙂

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      1. Yes well its only happened twice that I know of, once the example I shared before and a former student she became a drama teacher to be like me….and she’s doing well I have to say…

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        1. That’s actually pretty cool!

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  4. Oh dear. I hope the reunion goes better than you expect. It sounds like a pretty intense relationship and not especially healthy for you.

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    1. Yes, it is a somewhat unhealthy relationship, but I’m trying to maintain it, since one is obviously indebted to one’s parents (in most cases). It went better than I had feared, actually. Thank you!

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      1. I’m glad it went better than expected. I have a complicated relationship with my own parents so I get that compulsion to maintain the relationship even when it’s dysfunctional.

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        1. Families are often complicated structures. I think dysfunctional families are much more common than the perfect ones presented in ads. In the worst case scenario, a family is a bunch of people who have nothing in common but were brought together accidentally.

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          1. I totally agree. I actually get very suspicious and wary of families who appear totally functional and normal.

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          2. Haha, I love it that you’re a fellow sceptic 😀

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    1. Thank you! It went surprisingly alright…

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  5. If his idea of a greeting is “You piss me off,” then no, I wouldn’t say you’re having an unusual reaction to his visit.

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    1. Ha! You are clear, concise and straight to the point, as usual. You have a very good point. It’s helpful sometimes to see your own’s situation through someone else’s eyes to get some perspective. Thank you!

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  6. I appreciate you being alive. 🙂

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    1. Thank you. You are very generous.

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  7. […] post concerning my anticipation anxiety (a fancy term for being preventively scared) about my father’s visit rose some questions. Such as, have I never met my father before? What’s wrong with my father? […]

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