My cat does the usual catty things and some other things that might be catty or not but are, hands down, definitely crazy. My cat is my favourite person but, damn, she is so dumb. She didn’t take after me.

My five-year-old cat hasn’t yet discovered that her nails are retractable. She gets regularly stuck in the blinds, hanging there, meowing helplessly and waiting for me to disentangle her. Which I do but don’t fail to inform her how dumb she is and how it serves her right (my parents used to do the same to me, so I assume it’s good upbringing). It doesn’t serve my blinds right though.

The cat recently unlocked her jumping skills. She uses them to hang out at my bedside table. The miniature table is already occupied by a lamp and a cactus pot. It might seem that the cat is smart to squeeze herself on top of it but she’s really dumb because she keeps on swiping her tail around as she settles, sending dirt from the pot flying to my bed. Since I’m not (as) dumb, I was forced to move the pot. Cat hair in the bed is one thing but dirt is dirt, literally.

The culprit

Apropos my cat’s supposed smartness in fitting at the bedside table, the other day I heard some noise and came on the cat slipping down from the top and trying to avoid the fall by holding on to the cacti desperately (both the cat and the cacti were desperate). Both the cacti and the cat escaped unscathed, but I came to doubt my cat’s intelligence even more.

My cat probably doubts her own intelligence too because she regularly gets stuck in a tight spot, where she remains illustriously calm, quiet and waits for me to discover her. Most recently, she got stuck between my oil radiator and the wall, right next to me. I spent forever looking for the little bastard, wondering whether she has flushed herself down the toilet or what. When I saw her, she growled and when I let her out, she ran to hide elsewhere. She’s so clueless that her cuteness is her only redeeming feature.

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Posted by Mara Eastern

I'm a sardonic blogger, snapper, scribbler and rhymer; a virtual space invader who indulges in cheerful negativism, morbid self-deprecation and bleak humour.

17 Comments

  1. LOL! Oh kitty, mommy is so mean to you! β€οΈπŸ’•πŸ‘πŸ»πŸ˜‰πŸ˜Œ

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    1. Nah, I’m just realistic in judging my cat’s mental aptitude…

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  2. Poor baby! (Perhaps you could try demonstrating proper techniques for her?)

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    1. She’s no poor baby, I adore her, despite her dumbness πŸ˜€

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  3. At least she has her cuteness going for her πŸ™‚

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    1. Yes, one can’t have everything, even when one is a cat!

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      1. The beauty is that she doesn’t even know better πŸ˜‰
        I kind of envy that!

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        1. Ignorance is bliss…

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  4. Well we are talking about a cat here aren’t we? Though I’m pleased she has some redeeming feature. Does she have a name?

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    1. Ha πŸ˜€ Yes, I call the cat Ella (and other names), but I for some reason refer to her as The Cat. Like The God.

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  5. i am sitting here giggling, man I love your cat, I have a dumb dog, my cats are smarter than the dog

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    1. I’m glad my post made you giggle πŸ˜€ I’m also glad to hear that your cats are smarter than your dog!

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  6. She’s a cat. She’s playing with you. Ella has found the perfect way of getting your attention. She’s a cat after all !

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    1. Haha, I suspect that it is just as you say! Cats have weird ways…

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  7. […] Cats are generally deemed to be plotting the early demise of their owners. I don’t think they have it well thought-through because procuring a new owner might present a problem. It doesn’t make sense for the cat to dispose of the human, unless the cat wants to feast on the dead body. But cats don’t make sense. Neither does mine, however, she is not be underestimated. She doesn’t simply plot to murder me, she also actually acts on her murderous intentions. Her schemes for getting rid of me are extremely clever. You’d never expect that, especially if you believe that your cat is dumb. […]

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