How to Take the Worst Photos Ever

13 comments

I specialise at taking bad photos. Scratch it. I specialise at taking the worst photos ever. Since the internet is full of how-to articles on taking better photos, I thought I’d contribute with my valuable experience of how to take worse photos. And since I recently blogged an anti-recipe, let’s continue with an anti-manual.

Taking photos that suck something fierce is an art, like everything else. You’ll need to practise it to perfect your skills—but remember that the practice for crappy photo skills consists in taking pictures as little and as far apart as possible. The next you’ll need is to equip yourself with the appropriate gear (the cheaper the better) and to follow a few principles, listed below.

Gear for the Worst Results

Use your phone camera. If you own an iPhone, give it away to that homeless guy at the corner. If you’re serious about worsening your photo skills, you can’t hope to achieve it with an Apple device. Get the cheapest generic brand phone that is available to you. Make sure to treat it poorly. An important warning: never clean the phone lens! When you get your lens soiled and keep it that way, you’ll be always taking dirty photos. Cool trick, right?

Suitable Subjects

Forget about sweeping panoramas and people portraits. These are unsuitable subjects for a photographer who seriously sucks. Pick as lowly subjects as possible: a manhole, a candy wrapper in the gutter, a supermarket floor. Advanced students of the art of shockingly bad photography may proceed to selfies. Be careful though, your selfie must never contain a face! Aim at your feet, hands or crotch. For illustrations of the appropriate method, see examples above.

Post-production

Cancel your subscription to Photoshop. Forget about Lightroom. Forget about any post-production at all. Your astonishingly bad photos must be presented as-is, #nofilter. Crooked horizons and tilted walls are highly desirable. Once you master the skill of snaps that suck, you’ll be able never to take a straight picture in your life again. If you publish your work on Instagram, don’t forget the elite tags: #random #whatever #icanteven. Happy shooting!

Advertisements

13 comments on “How to Take the Worst Photos Ever”

  1. Ha! These are the best tips–no, I mean they are the worst. I already have a crappy camera phone, so I am on my way! Photoshop and Lightroom–I don’t have those. Yes! Thanks for the worst tips ever. 🙂

    Like

  2. I have noticed you are a hands and feet girl or is that just an example of bad shot? I don’t have any trouble taking bad photos, but I tend to delete them out of embarrassment….maybe you should run a blog event inviting all the terrible photographers out there to contribute their worst work…..the end result could be the awarding of a “Mara” as reward for the ‘winner’??

    Like

    1. I could pretend I’m so clueless than I aim for my face but always manage to take a picture of my limbs instead, but no one would probably believe me 🙂 I’m very much into hands and arms and feet and legs selfies.

      The idea of a competition for the world’s worst photographers is brilliant though! Real genius. The Mara award made me laugh 😀

      Liked by 1 person

      1. When I was working I ran an Absurd Theatre performance night and the prize for the best performance was a Greater Godot for senior students and a Lesser Godot for the juniors.

        Like

    1. I know, right! Dumporamas! I need to locate one in my new place, I haven’t explored it with the camera yet. I’ve only lived here since April, so I obviously had no time.

      Like

You were saying?

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s