Yoga Bragging Rights

You might think that the yoga mindset precludes bragging. Not for me. I won’t let any zen thought occlude my better judgement. I will abstain from arguing that you should do yoga if you like yourself (and especially if you don’t like yourself), instead I will provide a list of cool reasons to do yoga. All of them tested and approved by me (because I’m a self-proclaimed expert on pretty much anything. Also, did I mention recently that I’m a doctor? Just to be clear on this.).

My gear

The really good reasons to become a yogi are as follows:

  • You get to wear cute yoga pants. I don’t mean the shabby yoga pants that you’re already wearing all the time, with a hole in the crotch area where the Asian kiddo labourers didn’t sew the seams properly. I mean real fancy yoga pants that you only use for actually doing yoga. I suggest getting several lengths, including short shorts for summer. Be cheeky.
  • You get to terrify people. Simply strike a warrior one, two, three, and take it to a dancer from there. Alternately, if you’re feeling lazy, just collapse into a forward fold and start drawing yin and yang with your hands in the dust. People will start dialling 911 because they’ll think you broke. When they realise it’s perfectly normal, they’ll think you’re a kickass (or dumbass, depending on the people).
  • You get to impress people with pearls of zen wisdom. Accept that it is what it is (Buddhist tautology). Choose to let go of that which doesn’t serve you. Know that the universe is for you and so is everything else. Please know that you’re not required to actually believe this shit. You only need to be able to say it with a straight face. Optimally, after letting such a pearl drop, join your hands in a prayer and bow your head slightly. Namaste (or, as I prefer to say, the darkness in me recognises and honours the darkness in you).

Author: Mara Eastern

I'm a sardonic blogger, snapper, scribbler and rhymer; a virtual space invader who indulges in cheerful negativism, morbid self-deprecation and bleak humour.

19 thoughts

  1. Yoga and I can’t get along due to three herniated Lumbars. Make a video gf you doing your stretches. ❤️ Having trouble commenting, says “This comment can not be posted.”


    1. Oh that sounds painful! Hope it doesn’t bother you too much. I don’t know what’s wrong with the comment posting, please let me know if there are more problems, I’d contact support. I’m not sure I’m making a video of myself though, that would be technically challenging and boring to watch then too!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Not boring for your readers! Comments seem fine so far as I type this. My back lets goo about never 90 days or so. Which is why I still have my cane and handicap parking tag. Don’t always need the but at times… The pain is excruciating.


  2. I’ve not done a lot of yoga, but when I was in marching band I did a few yoga stretches. My experience was kind of like “What? How did I end up in this position???” It was pretty awesome.

    And yoga pants are pretty awesome too.


    1. Haha, I know, right, exactly my experience sometimes (though not always): I surprise myself when I find myself twisted in weird acrobatic shapes, wondering how on earth I did that. Yoga pants should be elevated to evening attire dress code.


  3. Without the yin there is no yang 🙂 May the Light shine in all the dark spaces…
    I don’t think they make yoga pants big enough to stretch around my generous curves. Alas, as much as I would love to try curling my body into wet spaghetti like poses it is beyond me. I’m more like your sleeping version of the Kungfu Panda. A sedate walk on the treadmill is more my pace. The darkness in me honours the darkness in you 🙂


    1. Ha, thank you for your comment, you always cheer me up! Walking on the treadmill would probably bore me to death, so I admire that you’re doing it! Much more fun for me to see if I can twist myself into one shape or another. So, cheers to both darkness and light, as they’re complementary 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Mara–you just crack me up. I do love yoga, though. It both loosens me up and make me feel strong–no shit. Namaste..I have that tattooed on my arm. I shall never look at it the same again…..

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I hope you didn’t crack up so as to hurt yourself. I also hope I didn’t spoil your tattoo for you! I’m actually thinking of getting something yoga-themed tattooed on myself too, to add to my collection. Yoga is helping me in so many ways. Namaste!

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Yoga is awesome for all those reasons. I would go hard core Kundali​n​i but I can’t seem to wear all that white. I’m also pretty sure if I’m worried about how I look in white then I’m not really evolved enough for Kundalini.


    1. Oh, of course, the yoga mats, I completely forgot this perk! They are awesome, though I’ll probably stick to my old one, it’s non-slippery, unlike all others I have tried. Here’s to happy yoga-ing!


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