Part of WordPress’s writing course Finding Everyday Inspiration.

I’m still finding everyday inspiration. Or rather, looking for it and not finding it. Here’s where my readers’ suggestions come in (cheers to you, guys!). I asked what to write about and I’m still shocked that anyone bothered to advise. Actually, it looks like everyone bothered to advise! I have shit to blog about for the rest of the year. I mean, I  have suggestions to blog about, which I’ll turn into shitty posts (like this one, you’re welcome).

Trent from Trent’s World came up with a challenge for me to “do something that is completely different”. I love the idea (wait, I don’t love anything). Anyway, what I’ll pull off is something I’ve never done before and shall never repeat again. I will blog a recipe. Yes, you heard right. I don’t blog recipes because a) I have none, b) my concept of cooking is so barbarous that my recipes would probably get me banned from WordPress.

The recipe result (serving suggestions)

I give you a recipe for a Czech Turkish coffee. I don’t mean Czech-Turkish with a hyphen. It has nothing to do with Turkey. Therefore we call it Turkish (because logic). I have no clue how the misnomer happened. And I make the most terrible coffee (ever, forever). You absolutely shouldn’t try it at home, even if you manage to get hold of the rare ingredients required for this abomination.

Ingredients

  • the cheapest generic brand of coffee you can buy (or steal)
  • tap water, preferably hard (so it gives your kettle limescale)
  • optional sugar, absolutely no milk (this isn’t baby formula)
  • booze (preferably slivovitz, but rum will also do, as will anything really)

Steps

  • Fill the kettle with water and switch it on (use only as much water as you need to save electricity).
  • Grab a large mug (half a liter is about right). Throw in two or three spoonfuls of ground coffee.
  • Pour boiling water in the mug.
  • Add slivovitz to taste.

Notes

  • It’s perfectly normal for the coffee grounds to float on the surface.
  • The coffee tends to be strong, so have your heart medication ready.
  • The grounds are not consumed but left at the bottom of the mug.

Pro Tips

  • Some people stir the coffee to make the grounds settle, I just blow on it—less dishes!
  • If you can’t wait for your coffee to cool, just throw in an ice cube or two.

If you’re wondering, all of the above is true and that’s how I take my coffee. It’s a thing.

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Posted by Mara Eastern

I'm a sardonic blogger, snapper, scribbler and rhymer; a virtual space invader who indulges in cheerful negativism, morbid self-deprecation and bleak humour.

28 Comments

  1. “You absolutely shouldn’t try it at home,” I think you summed the whole exercise up perfectly with this line. Even as a non-coffee drinker I ask why do you subject yourself to this? Or is it a secret way to drink more slivovitz?

    Liked by 1 person

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    1. Haha, yes, it’s a secret way to drink more slivovitz 😀 But seriously, though it’s acquired taste, I’ve come to love my coffee like this.

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  2. Wow, that looks like 100 LL aircraft strength!

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    1. Probably! I’m used to it now though 😀

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  3. Lizl's Quiet Spaces Journal 15/09/2017 at 1:24 am

    Why do I bother to cold brew and filter mine? Oy!

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    1. Hahaha, I don’t know, I don’t like to make fuss with coffee, so I just make it as quickly and easily as possible…

      Liked by 1 person

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  4. we are NEVER having coffee at your house, lol……..you can come here, I have a lovely coffee machine which makes perfect lattes every time 😛

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    1. Haha, deal, I’m coming over for a latte 😀 My coffee making skills probably explain why no one ever wants coffee when they visit me.

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  5. You know I love you, Mara, but … 🤢

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    1. I know, I should be ashamed for torturing coffee like this, but that’s how I like it 😮

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  6. I’m not to excited about drinking the grounds, so I’ll need a lot of booze. May a shot of Bourbon for every 3 shots of coffee…. The post was very different, but the same sense of humor. I guess you can’t hide that 😉

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    1. I guess I failed in my task of doing something different then. Oh well. Please feel free to add as much bourbon as you like: some people do it 50:50, half water, half booze, but I think that excessive. I just add one shot…

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      1. No, no, you succeeded, a recipe post is very different….

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        1. So let’s call it a partial success, good try 🙂

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  7. I like my coffee with a dash of cardamon 🙂 and a wee pinch of salt 🙂 on special occasions x

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    1. A wee pinch of salt? No! Not seriously?

      Liked by 1 person

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      1. Seriously! Mum swore by it, and you know what – it does enhance the flavour. Same as freshly ground pepper does with strawberries.

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        1. Pepper with strawberries?! Never heard of that either! Though it’s true I was confused when they first started to add chilly in chocolate – and then I found it actually tastes good.

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          1. We discovered pepper with strawberries at a restaurant many years ago. They made the desert at our table. Strawberries, lightly peppered, covered with semi melted vanilla ice cream, flamed with cointreau – yum ! We’ve peppered our strawberries ever since.

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          2. Now you’re giving me cravings! I’ll definitely try that when I have the chance.

            Liked by 1 person

          3. Do – you’ll love it.

            Liked by 1 person

  8. […] contribute with my valuable experience of how to take worse photos. And since I recently blogged an anti-recipe, let’s continue with an […]

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    1. There’s a decaf version for those with weak hearts and stomachs, but it doesn’t taste as it should. No worries though, I certainly wouldn’t treat you to this, I know it’s an acquired taste!

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  9. I have all the ingredients, slivovitz included, so I will make this one day. Probably tomorrow afternoon.

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    1. I’m so fucking flattered you made my recipe.

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  10. […] is called Turkish Coffee and has nothing to do with real Turkish coffee. For a recipe, see my earlier post. It’s pretty simple, wholesome, and all you need is a tin mug (if you want to go authentic), […]

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