Her mother-tongue clung to her mouth’s roof
in terror, dumbing her and he came with a name
that was none of her making.
—Liz Lochhead, “Dreaming Frankenstein”

Yesterday I wrote about the priceless confusions of English, today I’ll do the same for my mother tongue: Czech. It also has a huge potential for comic situations and so many things about it are just plain weird. Looking at it from a foreigner’s perspective as I imagine it, it must come across as staggeringly confusing. It’s a complex language on all levels, including the bloated grammar and devilish pronunciation.

A Czech-Czech dictionary (of loan words)

To start with, how many letters in the alphabet does your language have? English has 26, Czech has 42. Yep. We think that the more, the better. We have twice the number of vowels because each vowel comes also in a variant with an accent (and the u vowel comes with two versions of accents, ú and ů). Cool, isn’t it? But wait, that’s not all! Some consonants come with accents too, when it comes to it. (My least favourite are ďň and ť  because the poor things don’t have a keyboard key of their own and you have to press two keys to create them.) Oh, and also, ch is a letter of its own.

To make it more fun, we have decided that each noun will be either a he, a she or an it. I’m talking about grammatical gender. If you wish to use a noun, you need to know its gender so you could pick the correct ending. Have I mentioned yet that all nouns and verbs and some other words are assigned a plethora of different endings, based on how they’re used in a sentence? Czech is an excessively inflected language. (Inflected, not infected, but maybe infected with inflection?)

For example, the neutral word for cat in Czech is kočka. It refers to cats of any sex. The word itself, however, is feminine—for grammar purposes, this word is a girl. There’s another word for the tom cat (kocour), however, there is no special word for a pussy cat. We just use the basic neutral form. So when I want to say, My cat is a pussy cat, I’d say, Moje kočka je kočka, which sounds obviously like a tautology.

Here comes the real twist though. You know personal pronouns? It’s heshe, they and others. So, when talking about the female cat, we use the pronoun she (ona). Pretty straightforward. When talking about the male cat, we use the pronoun he (on). However, when talking about kittens (koťata), do you think that we use the pronoun they (oni)? Nope. We use the exact same word that we use to refer to females (ona). So, in Czech, when you have a bunch of kittens, they’re all female to our grammar.

Did it blow your mind?

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Posted by Mara Eastern

I'm a sardonic blogger, snapper, scribbler and rhymer; a virtual space invader who indulges in cheerful negativism, morbid self-deprecation and bleak humour.

23 Comments

  1. Huh? I thought Finnish was bad!

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    1. Finnish is likely difficult too, but I’d think Slavic languages like Czech are perhaps even more so!

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      1. I’ve heard that Finnish is one of the hardest languages to learn due to its complex grammar (24 tenses) but now I’m not so sure !

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        1. This is the first time I hear that! Interesting! I guess each language has its own difficulties and none is quite easy to master…

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  2. Yes you did! You must find Enuto be simpler and easier to speak and write.

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    1. Actually and perversely, yes, I find English in many respects more natural to use than my mother tongue. It’s certainly the language of my choice when trying to communicate something more abstract, some ideas – and for blogging!

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      1. And it’s spoken basically world wide to a greater or lesser degree. I’d love to hear you speak your native language though.

        I was at Hoover Dam today, haven’t been there for a while. I got baked. Hot! But so many folks were speaking many languages, not just the typical Spanish you hear in Las Vegas and Boulder City…

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        1. It’s interesting sometimes to be reminded that there are so many languages spoken in the world… You’d probably die of laughter if you heard me speak. I can’t be responsible for that 😉

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          1. Make a recording of you, use my Contact page to send it to me! The site doesn’t look just right at the moment, working of some Font issues…

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          2. Oh no, I’m too shy! hides under the table

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  3. English. Darn spell check!

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    1. Hahaha, Enuto, you got me here, I was wondering what an Enuto was!

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      1. Damn spell correct!!

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  4. Yikes. I barely mastered English. I’m always in awe of those of you who are functional in two or more languages … for all the examples you just noted!!

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    1. If you’re a native speaker of other than English language, learning another language – preferably English to start with – is pretty natural in most cases. It’s compulsory at schools; and you’re constantly exposed to English, so you’re bound to pick some even if you’re not a huge language talent!

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      1. I guess that’s my problem – I started with English and never progressed :/

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        1. There are worse things, no worries!

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  5. Once when I was still working, I must’ve had too much time on my hands because when I found a Czech name in an article we were running (I was an editor), I thought we should print it with all the various accent marks. Six weeks later I still hadn’t found ’em all in Word’s English language program. It went through unaccented–and no one complained.

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    1. Haha, I’m sorry you spent so much time trying to achieve what can’t be achieved… It’s safer just to go with the version without diacritics. In the case of names, it’s common practice. It’s not recommended with complete sentences or phrases because diacritics may change the meaning completely. That’s why texting was so hard when the first phones started and didn’t have the Czech keyboard.

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  6. And I thought Russian alphabet was extra long.

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    1. It is! It’s yet another Slavic language, sort of similar to Czech – I learned some Russian, sadly, I forgot most of it now 😦 It’s a wonderful language.

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  7. […] even used in English. Since I’m Slavic-centred, I believed it was a Slavic thing. In my language, when you want to say you’ve had an aha moment, you literally say Aha, whereas in English, I […]

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