I haven’t owned a TV for many years. Therefore, whenever I happen to find myself in the proximity of a switched-on TV, I am fascinated. I find these infrequent encounters with TV programming highly entertaining, but the charm would quickly be lost if I had one of these things at home.

I listen to the TV a lot because my upstairs neighbour is a 24/7 viewer. Actually, he would be less of a viewer and more of a professional ignorant because I suspect he just sleeps with the TV on. Also, he has his window permanently open, so I can (have to) eavesdrop on the programme of his choice anytime I go to the balcony to take a sip of fresh air (*smoker’s cough*).

I like it the most when the neighbour has a nature documentary on because the commentator’s voice is always so soothing. Think of The lion attacks the gazela announced in a smooth, velvety voice with absolutely no sympathy for the gazela and no cheers for the lion either.

A gratuitous weirdly filtered snap

Today’s programme was particularly varied. The first words I heard when I emerged at the balcony with my morning coffee were The body was found… I didn’t hear the rest but instantly started to compose in my head a blog post on how you shouldn’t watch TV unless you love bad news. Curiously, audience laughter followed shortly after this. It was apparently some morbid sitcom.

Mostly, there are commercials. Like Imagine how it would be to drive the perfect car, blah, blah… I started to imagine it. My imagination was put to a premature end when I drove into a bridge because I can’t really drive. The ad wasn’t thought through properly. And I clearly wasn’t the target audience.

In the evening, I went out to hear Interrupted intercourse isn’t a safe planned parenthood method, blah, blah… I was all ears, wondering where this would go. At that point, the neighbour, a poor fellow smoker, got a fit of smoker’s cough, so the next I heard was only [brand name]—The National Condom Manufacturer. I’m not sure it makes sense. If the whole nation was using their condoms, there would be no nation, no?

I’m glad I don’t have a TV. I’d never enjoy it because I’d spend all the time overanalysing insensible ads and possibly sensible ads whose only two faults are a) they are ads, b) they are not targeted at me. I mean, give me cat food and cookies ads anytime, but car and condom ads? Whatever.

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Posted by Mara Eastern

I'm a sardonic blogger, snapper, scribbler and rhymer; a virtual space invader who indulges in cheerful negativism, morbid self-deprecation and bleak humour.

8 Comments

  1. I’m a TV viewer but don’t watch the so-called news. It’s just the same old bad news day after day.I smoked cigs for many years until 2002 when I was diagnosed with heart disease, quit them cold turkey.

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    1. I’m glad to hear you also don’t watch the news. Nothing but horror in that. Good for you to have given up smoking! I’d like to but haven’t found the right impulse yet.

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      1. Heart Disease. Type Two Diabetes. Good incentives for you Mara ❤️

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        1. I am vividly imagining my lungs getting black and disintegrating, alas, as long as I’m not experiencing actual health problems right NOW, it’s still too abstract for me. Even the money motive isn’t an incentive for me enough. sigh When will I grow up…

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  2. I know that soothing voice oh so well.

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    1. I could listen to documentaries to fall asleep… But I don’t have a TV, so.

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  3. We’ve just had a lazy, marathon viewing day. Two Netflix movies and then TV … I’m sure I could have been a lot more productive with my time, but it was cold, wet, our son was home – family time in front of the box, lol !!!

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    1. Oh there’s no need to be productive all the time if you enjoy relaxing and resting – so important for the body and the mind. And quality family time on top of it too 😉

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