I haven’t owned a TV for many years. Therefore, whenever I happen to find myself in the proximity of a switched-on TV, I am fascinated. I find these infrequent encounters with TV programming highly entertaining, but the charm would quickly be lost if I had one of these things at home.
I listen to the TV a lot because my upstairs neighbour is a 24/7 viewer. Actually, he would be less of a viewer and more of a professional ignorant because I suspect he just sleeps with the TV on. Also, he has his window permanently open, so I can (have to) eavesdrop on the programme of his choice anytime I go to the balcony to take a sip of fresh air (*smoker’s cough*).
I like it the most when the neighbour has a nature documentary on because the commentator’s voice is always so soothing. Think of The lion attacks the gazela announced in a smooth, velvety voice with absolutely no sympathy for the gazela and no cheers for the lion either.
Today’s programme was particularly varied. The first words I heard when I emerged at the balcony with my morning coffee were The body was found… I didn’t hear the rest but instantly started to compose in my head a blog post on how you shouldn’t watch TV unless you love bad news. Curiously, audience laughter followed shortly after this. It was apparently some morbid sitcom.
Mostly, there are commercials. Like Imagine how it would be to drive the perfect car, blah, blah… I started to imagine it. My imagination was put to a premature end when I drove into a bridge because I can’t really drive. The ad wasn’t thought through properly. And I clearly wasn’t the target audience.
In the evening, I went out to hear Interrupted intercourse isn’t a safe planned parenthood method, blah, blah… I was all ears, wondering where this would go. At that point, the neighbour, a poor fellow smoker, got a fit of smoker’s cough, so the next I heard was only [brand name]—The National Condom Manufacturer. I’m not sure it makes sense. If the whole nation was using their condoms, there would be no nation, no?
I’m glad I don’t have a TV. I’d never enjoy it because I’d spend all the time overanalysing insensible ads and possibly sensible ads whose only two faults are a) they are ads, b) they are not targeted at me. I mean, give me cat food and cookies ads anytime, but car and condom ads? Whatever.