Part of WordPress’s writing course Finding Everyday Inspiration.

Today’s prompt is a cliche which knows it’s cliche but pretends to convince people it’s not. The task is to write a letter(!). That’s not only an analog anachronism but also a subject whose inspiring potential has already been mined out.

In a stroke of genius, however, I remembered I had a letter among my very few relics from the past which I had written for my future self. It’s more of a questionnaire, actually. It was written on 13 May 1996 at 2:55 PM (I see I was meticulous about meta details as a kid already) at the tender age of almost thirteen. (I can’t believe I ever was thirteen.) The instructions on the sealed envelope say to open it when I’m fifteen. (I can’t believe I ever was fifteen either.) Here’s the authentic artefact.

Yep, that’s actual wax seal.

The questionnaire contained in the sealed envelope is cringeworthy, idiotic and hilarious, all at the same time. I had some important questions for my future self, such as:

  • Do you like a boy?
  • Have you been kissed by a boy?
  • Do you go to discos?

The bonus is that the envelope also contains my answers to these and other questions written when I was eighteen. (Yes, I can’t believe I ever was eighteen.) Being a teenager is a mental diagnosis on its own. The bloody things (I mean, young people) believe that they know everything, that they are special and that the world is for them. They are the triumph of positive psychology, in some ways.

Teenagers (at least my teenage self) also believe that everything is for ever and that neither they nor other things will change yet. They might admit it as a theoretical option but they don’t really believe that. On the other hand, there are things to be learned from your young self. Such as, Don’t be that person!

I’m kidding. Now, seriously, I have discovered at least one curious finding about my young self. Already as a dumb teenager, I manifested surprising drive, determination and diligence. (I deduce this from the way I was talking about my study efforts.) I also see I was interested in psychology back then already. (Little did I know that I wouldn’t become a psychologist but a psychiatric patient instead.)

For the sake of entertainment and education, here are a few questions that amused me the most:

  • Do you still study at the grammar school? (Duh. I’ve graduated from a doctoral programme.)
  • Do you still have long hair? (Ha. Since you’re asking, I have half my head shaved and the other half shortish-to-shoulder-length. In case there is any doubt, it is a deliberate design.)
  • Are you still scared of people? (Dear silly young self, it’s called social anxiety and it’s not something you grow out of. Don’t worry though, there will be advances in psychology and you’ll learn a bunch of management techniques in the nut house. Also, you’ll be prescribed Lexaurin for emergencies.)
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Posted by Mara Eastern

I'm a sardonic blogger, snapper, scribbler and rhymer; a virtual space invader who indulges in cheerful negativism, morbid self-deprecation and bleak humour.

26 Comments

  1. We’re there discos in 1996? Oh those teenage years, what a rollercoaster ride.

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    1. Sure, there were discos, but I only went to one or two of them in my life and never got what it was supposed to be entertaining about it.

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      1. Just dancing I suppose but I never danced. Just loved the music.

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        1. I never danced but I did dance this summer when I was convinced to do so by others – and also, just standing around and watching everyone else dance was boring. After a while, I quite enjoyed it.

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  2. Isn’t it wonderful to see you have grown into such a worldly and kind self now able to calm the anxieties of your younger self…..though I do agree its hard to imagine we were once those ages, knowing everything and knowing nothing….there’s a lot to be said for growing up.

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    1. Yes, indeed, there’s a lot to be said for growing up! It’s funny, at each particular moment, you’re wiser than ever before. It just occurred to me the other day. Of course, a few years from now, if I still live, I will be laughing how stupid I was now.

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      1. LOL…take it from me you do just that….but I find it’s good to be able to laugh about it as much as possible, after all, we didn’t know how stupid and dumb we were at the time.

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        1. 😀 I knew it! Thank you for confirming my suspicion!

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  3. Interesting trip down memory lane 🙂

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    1. Trips down the memory lane tend to be an interesting journey of (self)discovery…

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  4. Ha! Love it. What a forward-thinking kid you were!

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    1. I was a weird kid! I never knew I’d use the letter to myself as blogging material 😀

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      1. I think kids these days are starting to do this. One of my favourite stationery lines actually has a “letters to myself” kit with prompts and everything. Hmnnnn now there’s an idea for a blog post series.

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        1. Oh dear, so kids today are rediscovering what kids years ago were doing naturally, without any prompts! I had no idea that such stationery existed, but I’ll take your word for it, you’re clearly the expert!

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          1. Hahahaha sure sure. Yeah, they’re being spoon fed! We had to come up with ideas ourselves!

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  5. I fucking love this post. Normally I just love your posts, but this one is almost worth masturbating too (something that a teenager might would have done).

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    1. Okay, I’m done, I have no reply for this. But being almost masturbating-worthy must be the best compliment my blog ever got.

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  6. Too… to. Fuck these O’s. Too many of them sometimes.

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    1. Also, now the image of reading-masturbating is vividly imprinted on my mind and I’m not sure how I feel about it 😀

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  7. Forgot to say: your hair sounds cool.

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    1. It’s literally cool. Half of my head is freezing.

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      1. I have a fully frozen head. Luckily I have plenty of hats.

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        1. I need half-a-hat so I wouldn’t mess the half where I still have hair. Girl problems.

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