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Mandala lighter: smoking with Zen

Mysterious things are happening to me. Or I’m just going nuts. (I like nuts.)

My lighter has been abducted by aliens. Don’t even think of suggesting that I simply lost it. I don’t lose anything. (Though I may sometimes lose my shit.) Several weeks ago, I dropped my lighter from the balcony. (Don’t ask me how you drop a lighter from the balcony, it was a momentary loss of shit and movement coordination.) The lighter has been lying down there since then. I dropped it in an enclosed area belonging to a pub downstairs which shut down months ago. Today, I noticed the lighter was gone.

I’m sure there’s a reasonable explanation. Like, a cat got it. Or a pigeon got it and now we’re facing a pigeon apocalypse. Or, possibly, it was a James Bond lighter and it evaporated. Or it was a ninja lighter and it ninjaed its way out through the fence. Or, being a lighter, it spontaneously combusted. (Why does my spellcheck underline combusted in red? And why does my spellcheck underline underline? I’m telling you, the aliens are up to something.) I’m scared. And I want my lighter back.

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Posted by Mara Eastern

I'm a sardonic blogger, snapper, scribbler and rhymer; a virtual space invader who indulges in cheerful negativism, morbid self-deprecation and bleak humour.

18 Comments

  1. Ninja Lighter!! Those words shouldn’t be underlined, not on the American keyboard English anyway. I like your upcoming events in the sidebar, have fun Mara! ❤️

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    1. Haha, I’m glad you like my upcoming event, I just threw it in on a whim because I’m whimsical (and to keep it in mind). My spellcheck was being weird and picky with underlining underline – aliens must have messed with it 😉

      Liked by 1 person

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      1. Spellcheck can be a pain on a phone or iPad, even embarrassing. I try to use proper English and include the letter U and S in certain words, but the spellcheck isn’t a fan. I force it.

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        1. Hm, maybe there’s an option to set your spellcheck to British English, if that’s what you prefer? I have quite some experience with setting up spellchecks since I want them to do two languages, my mother tongue and British English.

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  2. Wouldn’t it be easier to buy another one or a packet of matches….but knowing you as I do now I can see you sleeping at night with a tin foil hat on so the aliens don’t fry your brain….please keep me informed I’ve been waiting years for them to land in my backyard and come in for a cup of tea.

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    1. I sure would be easier to replace it rather than to hope to retrieve the abducted lighter, but it was my favourite! It was bottomless. Or so it seemed. I have reserved my slot for the first alien visit for me, but I’ll be sure to send them over to you once I’m done with them.

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  3. Oh goody! At last the aliens have landed 🙂 If you ask nicely, I’m sure they will be happy to return your light.

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    1. Apart from stealing my lighter, the aliens have made no contact yet, but I’m waiting patiently!

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  4. This is easy to explain. Lighters, ball point pens and odd socks are all trying to escape this mundane dimension and escape to a higher plane. What you saw was not really your lighter, just a shadow left behind as it flipped itself into a better existence. Just be happy for it.. 😀

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    1. Aw, thank you for your white lie telling me that my lighter is at a better place 😉 But maybe it has achieved the state of transcendence or nirvana of whatyoumaycallit… Great to see you around!

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  5. The pigeons have taken up smoking Havana cigars (an expensive habit but we all know how frivolous pigeon are) and have borrowed it until they get round to buying a replacement. Yes, they should have asked, but as well as being frivolous pigeons have no manners. Just watch out for them – they’ll be after your fags next 🙂

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    1. I knew it! When in doubt, blame the cat – should the cat prove to be innocent, blame the pigeons! I’ll start handing them flyers on the health risks of smoking. So I could have their stash of Havana cigars.

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      1. I must warn you – pigeons are VERY slow readers. Might take them a few weeks to get through a flyer.

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        1. I’m not a huge fan of pigeons. So maybe I’ll not educate them about smoking risks after all 😮

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          1. Wonder what a pigeon’s smoker’s cough sounds like?

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          2. Probably nothing nice…

            Liked by 1 person

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