Part of WordPress’s writing course Finding Everyday Inspiration.
The second instalment of WordPress’s writing challenge tackles the format of a listicle. Is it me or does listicle sound like testicle to you too? Speaking of testicles, is it me or does the heart symbol
<3 look like sideways testicles to you too? Disembodied testicles floating through space. Have I imprinted the image on your mind? You’re welcome.
As per assignment, I give you a list of Things I’m Good At (but Wish I Weren’t). The list illustrates my overachieving because we were supposed to list either things we’re good at or things we wish. I’m killing here two birds with one rock. (Take it easy, Animal Welfare, it’s literary, not literally.)
- Staring at the wall. Like Windows 95, I oftentimes freeze. And I wasn’t even made in the nineties. For information on how to fix the error, refer to your manual I Live with a Depressed Person: What’s Next? Error code is 404: Life Not Found.
- Getting scared. I get a fright each time my phone rings. No reason. I just don’t expect it to ring, you know, because that’s not what phones normally do. Today, however, my phone rang and I didn’t get scared. As I picked it, a booming voice of my friend yelled, Boo, did I scare you?! I wasn’t scared to start with, but this nearly gave me a heart attack. I duly yelled back, It’s not funny to make fun of my anxiety! (Though it was, admittedly, funny.)
- Peeing in the dark. I’m a lady and ladies don’t pee but if I did, I’d pee in the dark. You see (you don’t see, since it’s dark), I’d hesitate to switch the light on in the bathroom because I wouldn’t want to see myself pee. So, hypothetically, I’d pee while pretending I’m not peeing because peeing is awkward. Like this post.