What I Hated the Least Today 189/365: Public Humiliation

41 comments
Colour coordinated feet hip-width apart
Colour coordinated feet hip-width apart

After a year and a half of home yoga practice, I ventured in a public class, hoping this would help me with the correct alignment of the poses. Well, that didn’t work out. The class was however hugely humorous, so it helped me at least with mood boost. Not to be confused with zen boost, as I’m strictly a zen-o-phobe.

Generally speaking, in a first-world yoga class, I would expect the instructor to take rounds and advise the students on what they’re doing wrong, to the accompaniment of instrumental music and burning candles. In a second-world yoga class, I was unsure what to expect, and while I hate surprises, this surprise was fun.

The yoga studio (yoga den, rather) was in an outbuilding in the yard of another building, which was entered through a garage door. It consisted of a small anteroom and the main room. No changing room, no showers, but one restroom, which I neither needed nor dared to check out. Well, whatever, I arrived first, so I changed into my yoga set while no one was around.

Hardly did I pull my leggings up when a guy materialised behind my back. I didn’t expect there would be guys. Because yoga. I was wondering for a while if I accidentally wandered in a tantric sex class. Well, I didn’t. It was an intermediate yoga class, which was about the right level. It wasn’t the poses that confused me as much as the fact that the instructor spoke in Czech, while I practise with English language yoga videos.

I didn’t particularly like the instructor, which doesn’t mean anything, as I don’t like people. I was mildly puzzled by her choice to say Warrior One when she means High Lunge. Maybe she doesn’t know how to say high lunge in Czech. Neither do I. It’s impossible. I manifested the good sense not to argue with the instructor.

After the fun class, I had some more fun because I chose public humiliation rather than changing clothes in public—really I just didn’t feel like putting on clean clothes when sweaty—so I walked home wearing spandex, which should never be worn outside of gym. No one cared, of course. I’ll probably just leave the house straight in my workout clothes next time. Whatever.

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41 comments on “What I Hated the Least Today 189/365: Public Humiliation”

    1. Anything tantric creeps me out. I don’t like fuss. Tantric things seem to be all fuss and no essence. Though I’m sure this is a shocking suggestion showing my ignorance and offending experts.

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        1. I tried to read the same article on Wikipedia and didn’t get past the first paragraph. It’s all Sanskrit to me. Also, whenever I see that something is “a set of beliefs”, I run. Very far.

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  1. I’ve been to a few yoga classes and they are about 60-40 female to male – yes, guys do yoga (I did it for a few months before I got bored 😉 Though I may return some day ) And our instructor called it the Warrior One pose.

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    1. That’s exactly why I imagined yoga wasn’t too sought out by guys – because it’s boring. I did some Googling to find if High Lunge and Warrior One are interchangeable, and they don’t seem to be really: here’s the article I found. That’s one problem that was nagging me solved, now I need to find out how to translate High Lunge into Czech. Hm.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I totally agree with you about spandex (shouldn’t be worn outside). This was so much fun to read 😂. Those names of poses, of course, mean nothing to me. It’s funny though, that you wouldn’t either, be able to say it in Czech. There are many words and expression like that in English, I’d never be able to say in Swedish. Just a simple thing like Hemingway’s “The snows of Kilimanjaro” … it is not possible to say snow in the plural in Swedish.

    So … you had never heard the Yoga talk in your native tongue before! I see signs around town about Yoga classes, but I haven’t reached that point … yet.

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    1. I’m happy that you find my experience as entertaining as I did. I’ll probably do it again, if only to get more blogging material.

      When I was walking in a street wearing my spandex clothes, it was like I was wearing a nightie. Also shouldn’t be worn in public. But I don’t care that much, so I’m likely to do this again too 😮

      Czech has the plural of snow, but only in stock phrases. Like “Where are the snows of last winter?”, a rhetorical question meaning that the past is gone. We’re such a spatially confused nation. I said before that our anthem is called “Where is our home”.

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      1. Many people go to Walmart in their jammies here 🙂. Unthinkable.

        We can say the rains and the fogs, but not the snows. That’s hilarious about that title of the anthem 😂

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        1. We’re not that far here, so no one goes out in their jammies. Instead, we have tracksuits in lieu of one’s best Sunday clothes. Very Eastern European.

          We can say rains and fogs too, and we can say winds, except with this one you need to be careful because winds usually don’t mean plural of wind, but flatulence. Subject of a number of stupid jokes…

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          1. There’s such a great selection of cheap jammies, so sometimes it’s hard to tell what they really are 🙂
            In Stockholm, where they seem to have a bit of a dress code, they can spot people from the boonies, immediately, since all of them wear track suits LOL.
            In Swedish wind or winds have nothing to do with flatulence — no confusion there. However; the Swedish word “fart” means speed 🙂

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          2. Your fart = speed reminds me of when I first learned the word peninsula and thought it funny because it looks a bit like a penis. That’s only what a teenager can think funny 😉

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          3. ROFL … so true! Also, when an English language movie ends it says “The End”. But in Swedish it says “SLUT”. English speakers must be amazed LOL

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  3. I’m glad you enjoyed your first public yoga session. I shouldn’t worry about donning spandex in public. Superheroes do it. Around here, it’s the uniform mothers wear to collect kids from school. I feel over-dressed in jeans and a t-shirt when everyone else is in yoga pants and vests.

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    1. Haha, the next time I find myself wearing spandex in public, I’ll definitely take your advice and think of myself as a superhero 😀 Of course, special rules applies to mommies, and they’re absolutely allowed to wear yoga clothes in public, even when they’re not on their way from/to a yoga class.

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        1. I used to be quite self-conscious this way, not wearing clothes unflattering to my figure, but I gave up because I found out that a) no one cares, b) other people aren’t that considerate either and wear things that are highly unflattering to the eye of the beholder. Well, it also doesn’t hurt that since I lost weight, I actually look acceptable even in yoga pants and tops 😮

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  4. I smiled at the “I’m strictly a zen-o-phobe”, then snorted at the “so I walked home wearing spandex, which should never be worn outside of gym”. I’m guessing that running or cycling won’t be on your agenda any time soon 😉

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    1. My omission, I should have said rather that spandex shouldn’t be allowed in public unless its wearer is actually exercising. But no, no running or cycling for me, I’m the lazy kind who prefers indoors exercise, not being exposed to the elements (and the traffic). Btw, I hope your cycling injury is healing well.

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  5. You are a far braver lass than I…not for wearing spandex in public, but for braving a people-infested yoga instruction course (the prospect of which terrifies me, in ANY country). I congratulate you on your triumph.

    P.S. People here ooze around in bikinis, flip-flops, pine-apple-print swim trunks and colourful pajamas- if I had my way, everyone would wear fine, neatly-pressed and polished business suits, even in the unrelenting Florida blaze. Naturally, everyone would also be equipped with bowlers and top-hats, manacles, and pocket-watches. Smarty phones would not exist. So much for dreaming of the ultimate utopia…

    All the best and grand weekend to you,

    toad

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    1. Haha, yes, I considered my venture among people a brave decision too 😉 It wasn’t that bad. There were just six or so students and no small talk was required.

      People lose all sense of dress code when it gets hot. Here it’s common for men to go topless in summer. Not just at swimming pools, but in the streets and supermarkets. It’s mostly those men whose body is most aesthetically displeasing.

      I like Victorian fashion, so I’d be perfectly fine with your vision. Lace, doilies, little umbrellas for ladies to shelter my pale face from the sun, nice 🙂

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      1. No small talk required- that IS a cushy set-up.

        Oh yes, your Victorian depiction is quite appealing indeed. Why on EARTH did that glorious fashion die out???? Boggles the mind.

        Cheers,

        toad

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          1. True…it IS difficult enough to text and check FB whilst holding those positions let alone small-talk on top of it. Too much work, I agree. And, to your benefit 😀

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          2. Being crippled can be very badarse, especially if it comprises a painful limp that results in smart-arsed cantankerousness. Very badarse. You could claim that you leaped off a cliff for jollies and survived. Or you got into a chainsaw accident. BADarse. Really, the way I see it- there is a positive side to everything, including being crippled by yoga. 😉

            Adversely…there is also a negative side to everything…thank goodness. So it goes.

            toad

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          3. Haha, being crippled in a mysterious accident is probably badass, but being dead not so much. So take care! And thank goodness for negativity. Negativity always cheers me up.

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  6. I would think there would be a certain disappointment in there being no change facilities as such hence the having to walk home in your yoga outfit….it sounds like the public humiliation was yours though….but I understand how you felt…

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    1. Haha, of course you’re an intermediate yogi, and, can you imagine what a huge success you’d make as an instructor? All the ladies coming in because a male instructor is more fun to look at than a female one 😉

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        1. As opposed to men in yoga pants, which typically looks aesthetically displeasing. Especially the tight-fitting kind that looks like long johns and is either sheer or in pastel colours. Now I grossed myself out.

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