Definitely not a foodie

Definitely not a foodie

I blogged about my comparatively successful ongoing effort to lose weight before, always with the cautionary warning that you don’t try it at home. To further my message that slimming is not worth it, here’s a decisively anti-foodie post. Please be warned that the following contains graphic images: extremely bad snaps of rather bad food.

I’m a foodie in the sense that everyone else is—I assume everyone likes to eat nice food—and I’m not a foodie in the sense that I rarely eat nice food (nice food is inconsistent with dieting), I hate preparing dishes (too much effort wasted to too little effect) and I hate arranging food on the plate (it’s not like you’re not going to eat it anyway).

Perversely, I cook daily out of necessity. Stupidly, not only my cooking sucks, but also the dietary ingredients I use to much extent preclude the possibility of tasty results. I cook vegetables, tofu and soya; and when I indulge myself, rice, pasta, fish and chicken. When I don’t cook, I eat crisp bread, which is probably the least awful thing on my menu.

Here are the promised gory images of my disgusting food, deliberately squared Instagram style to poke fun at actual foodies. I’m losing weight, but I’m retaining my weird sense of humour.

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Posted by Mara Eastern

I'm a sardonic blogger, snapper, scribbler and rhymer; a virtual space invader who indulges in cheerful negativism, morbid self-deprecation and bleak humour.

28 Comments

  1. I’ll have to centre dish, fish with vegies Looks very delicious…..dieting sucks Mara I have to say…..I remember seeing two executives of diet companies at a conference and one was heard to say to the other: “You know if any of these diets actually worked we’d be out of a job.”
    So good luck the secret will always be what it is you put in your mouth and to that end I sympathize with you and the stuff you force yourself to eat…but if it is working for you then great, go for it I say….

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    1. Of course diets don’t work, that stands to reason 😉 It’s just wishful thinking. I’m rather shocked that you’d voluntarily eat my cooking. Especially the nasty looking fish. I don’t think it should come on the plate splitting into two halves. I tend to overcook food because I worry that I’ll undercook it. Irony.

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      1. Cooking is all trial and error…I cooked the other night for my kids and I was on a winner….I wrote a post today where you can see my “expertise “.

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        1. I’m hugely impressed by your dish. It looks very complicated, all the ingredients and sauces and creams and whatnots. You outcooked me clearly!

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          1. Its the whatnots that make all the difference, so pleased you spotted them….they can make or break you know….

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          2. Exactly, it’s the little additions to the food that give it its flavour. I’m very bad at additions.

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  2. I hate to cook, but I love to eat.

    I’m glad to see that you chose a Swedish brand for your crisps 🙂.

    Those dishes look good … appetizing! Regardless of any dieting or whatever, food is the most difficult to take photos of, without it looking yucky. Doesn’t matter what scrumptious dish I have in front of me — when I take a picture of it, it looks like pure yuck!

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    1. Wasa is Swedish? Good. It’s a Mara-approved brand. It’s not like my approval matters, except to me. I’m rather shocked that you’re not shocked by the poor quality of my pictures and my food. I thought this would be a blog post in which we would all have a good laugh at my manifest incompetence in cooking and photography. Hm. Intriguing! I’ve practically never seen you take (or, rather, post) pictures of food, except once of the soup, was it clam soup or something?

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      1. Good (Mara approved 🙂, also Tassitus approved).

        No, I never post any, but I try every time we’re out eating, and sometimes at home too. Looks awful. Yeah, I took one of the clam chowder, but I couldn’t go wrong there — you hardly saw it LOL

        The worst was last year, when we were out, eating my favourite dish in my favourite resto! That was beyond yucky-looking LOL

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        1. I don’t normally even try taking pictures of food and I don’t like to see pictures of food either because what’s the point of a dish picture when you can’t eat the dish? These were my first attempts and I was amused by how horrible it turned out. Your chowder looked tempting enough, perhaps because it wasn’t a close-up.

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          1. Close-ups are the worst, when it comes to food. Possibly a little salad could look good 🙂

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  3. Food – so good, yet so bad 😦

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    1. You said it so well!

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  4. Congratulations on your commitment to healthy choices. I enjoy cooking and enjoy eating so I cook from scratch with good ingredients and I’m mostly vegetarian but my downfall is carbs. I eat too many of them in proportion to everything else I eat. I’m working on it.

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    1. I have to admit that I don’t earn your congratulations because my chief motivation is to lose weight/not to put on more weight rather than to live healthy. Though I’m not going for any particular diet or any rules of what to eat and what to avoid, just common sense. It’s great that you enjoy cooking, it comes in handy 🙂 I guess my cooking is so bad partly because I hate doing it. Carbs are difficult, they’re tasty… So are sweets. But you sound like you have it figured out.

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      1. My problem is that I’m largely vegetarian and I end up eating carbs to feel full. I need to behave and just eat more lentils.

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        1. Veggies are funny, they never make me feel full either. So I just drink more coffee to feel full 😮

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  5. These dishes look great Mara! 👍🏻❤️

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    1. Oh dear, now you’re scaring me! I think my dishes look hilariously bad, which is why I blogged them – to have a laugh 😉 But thank you nonetheless for your kind judgement.

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  6. Ok, not too bad (I like fish), but far too much effort for me, tinned food and bread 🙂 And certainly not pasta, yerch

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    1. You don’t like pasta?! Who doesn’t like pasta? I’d eat bread if it didn’t require me to go out every day and get a fresh one. I only eat bread and rolls when fresh and crunchy. Canned food is my favourite. Especially fish. But in order to appear self-respecting, I don’t eat it straight from the can but heat it up on the oven. That’s my cooking.

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      1. Wow, thats gourmet canned food. I use a microwave, but I have learned to put the stuff in a bowl first. And me, I don’t like pasta. Or anything that looks, smells or tastes like it. Yerch

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        1. You didn’t try putting metal containers in the microwave before you learned to put the contents of the tin in a bowl, did you 😉 ? If you did, it could’ve been fun though. Fun and fireworks. Alright, I shall not mention pasta to you again. Oops, I just did.

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          1. Fortunatly I had seen a youtube video of a guy putting an unopened tin of Coca Cola in a microwave before experimenting on my own. Its ok, my hatred of pasts is fairly well known on here.. I can take it

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          2. As long as the guy lived to post the video…

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          3. Might have been posthumously, two chances

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  7. Don’t worry! You’re still doing better than most students!
    A flatmate from Hong Kong only cooked pasta for the whole year: he only alternated between seafood and beacon with sauce as the side for the pasta. Occasionally, he would have pizzas. My Kenyan flatmate would have salads and most of the time would add crazy stuffs in her food (if something’s too chilly, she’ll add sugar to it!) One day her pizza turned dry and she used a pair of scissors to cut it! As for my English flatmate, he would eat boiled potatoes with baked beans or rice with pasta sauce when he’s broke or too lazy to shop. Haha…..

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    1. Thank you for your kind comment! It’s comforting to hear that I’m not the worst! It’s probably part of student life, to eat junk food and cook horrible meals. You have some amusing stories to tell about your flatmates’ eating habits 😉

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