Is that a legit language?

Is that a legit language?

Do you read spam comments on your blog? You probably should. One reason is that occasionally, a perfectly good comment from a perfectly good fellow blogger ends up in the spam queue. Another reason is that spam can be hilarious, which is great for mood boost, and complimentary, which is great for ego boost.

Here are some of my favourite spam comments, all duly caught by the Akismet filter:

You are so cute.

Why, thanks, I know. My Lena the laptop, at which this spam comment was aimed, is also cute and she also knows it because I tell her every so often.

I don’t know.

Well, neither do I. The good thing is that we both know that we don’t know. The question remains why let other people know that we don’t know?

I’ll take care of it.

Is this a threat? This thread looks like a threat to me. Or it could be a promise, since this comment would have landed on my coffee post, so it might just as well be a promise of coffee. In which case I’m in.

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Posted by Mara Eastern

I'm a sardonic blogger, snapper, scribbler and rhymer; a virtual space invader who indulges in cheerful negativism, morbid self-deprecation and bleak humour.

36 Comments

  1. The quality of your spam exceeds mine considerably, I usually get some daft nonsense about how great the words are, on a mainly photography blog.. Or occasionally cheap Nike shoes. Yawn

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    1. Ha! Good to hear that I’m getting quality spam, if such a thing exists 😉 Most of my spam is boring, but recently I’ve started to get quite interesting bits. And I always like a spam comment telling me that I’m cute (on a blog which doesn’t contain a single photo of my face).

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      1. Its probably the landlord across the road 😀

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        1. I just came back from having a smoke and coffee on the terrace, lazily watching the landlord mowing grass on his property… I was wondering what bastard was making so much noise with the mower, so now I know.

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          1. Excellent, if you have beers in the fridge as well as the coffee and cigarettes then i am in total awe. I used to have some old git across the road from me mow his lawn at 1:00 in the afternoon every day. How do I know? I used to work nights and he would wake me up..

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          2. Ah, sorry about that, I don’t have beers 😦 I always have coffee and cigarettes, but rarely beer. I do Scotch. And I know exactly what you mean – the law mowing people are the worst and they tend to indulge in this abominable activity exactly at the time when I’m trying to sleep. I don’t know how they know.

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          3. Nothing is perfect.. Two out of three is good though. I blame grass myself, if everyone had nic concrete gardens then it would not be a problem, and think of the fuel saved..

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          4. Are you sure you’re not me? When I lived in a house rather than a flat, there was a garden and hence a lawn – not the nice well-kept lawn grown from grass seeds bought for the purpose – a lawn of wild grass. It still needed mowing of course, which I delegated to other family members, and kept on suggesting that we just cover the area with concrete. Everyone thought I was saying it as a bad joke, as if no person could prefer concrete to grass. I do.

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          5. I have even suggested painting the concrete green to the old diehard types to no avail.. I fear we share a common belief that is not understood by many 😦

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          6. The colour green strangely irritates me. Probably because it’s supposed to be soothing, and I don’t like it when I’m supposed to be soothed or anything. So, I’d keep my cement garden grey 😉

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          7. I worked with a guy that claimed that mowing the lawn felt soothing and de-stressing to him. I never spoke to him much after that

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          8. Haha 🙂 People are weird. But we already know that.

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          9. Here is a scary thought, perhaps it is not them that are weird.. Lots of people actually do cut the little bit of grass between their boundary and the road here. Or perhaps we are just weird? This will take some more research and study I think..

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          10. I’d rather be weird myself than to cut grass on the verge. Or cut grass in general.

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          11. It is a fruitless task. It grows again, it is like bailing out a boat with a hole in the bottom.

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          12. Exactly. Hence, cement and concrete.

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          13. Concrete, invented by the Romans, so it must be good. They built straight roads after all..

            Liked by 1 person

  2. Hahaha these are awesome. I skim mine occasionally but I haven’t seen anything so fun as yours.

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    1. I thought it would be fun to try to turn spam into something useful – or maybe not useful, but funny 🙂

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      1. Good idea! It worked!

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  3. I agree with the above commenters. I do skim, just to make sure it hasn’t caught any by mistake. Most of the time it’s false flattery, or extremely long in some script, foreign to me. Many of them tell me my blog needs some “fresh content”. Yeah, right!

    I often wonder; do they find it worthwhile to do this? Do they actually get anything out of it?! I know all this is automated, but still … it must have taken some effort to create it.

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    1. I’m as puzzled as you about the exact purpose of this spam comments. Someone had to create it in the first place – what were they thinking? What were they aiming at? * shrug * I used to only skim my spam, but then I realised that it was actually quite interesting, so now I sometimes read it… Without clicking any of the links, of course.

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      1. Exactly … what drives them? If they want clicks, why those extremely long ‘comments’?! It’s so beyond me, and seemingly such a waste of time and energy that could be put into something useful instead.

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  4. Nike shoes and apples from China; yesterday I lost some comments cause I deleted without reading, only noticing the words as they faded from sight. If only my new ether-based friends who are linguistically challengef would do the same!

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    1. It’s a shame when one loses a comment only because it ended up in spam by mistake. Happened to me too, so now I try to think twice before mindlessly hitting delete. Thanks for stopping by and leaving a non-spam comment 😉

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  5. It’s the chinese hieroglyphics that have me bamboozled !!

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    1. It’s funny, isn’t it? I wonder if it’s an actual language because it doesn’t look like that to me. It’s not that I speak any Asian language, but it somehow doesn’t look right…

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      1. It’s no wonder it takes people years to learn it !

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        1. Yes, I imagine so! It would be so nice to speak another language. Not happening for me though.

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  6. Haha I never get anything so comprehensible. Usually it reads like a google translation. Or someone selling me water purifiers.

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    1. There are so many kinds of these spam comments, some is just gibberish and some is surprisingly sensible – like the statement that I’m cute 😉 It’s my favourite so far… I’m all for compliments, even if machine-generated!

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  7. I don’t get spam comments. Akismet has killed a lot of them too.

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    1. You don’t get spam comments at all? Hm, curious! I get a bunch every day. But Akismet works wonderful with them. It’s extremely rare for any spam comment to get through.

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  8. I checked and noticed that I receive the same spam as you do…though I searched hard and couldn’t find any that suggested I was cute. I’m irritated by the ones that take up most of the page and say what must be the equivalent of computer gobblegook. I’m sure to another spammer they make perfect sense???

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    1. Ha 🙂 I imagine you’re right that spam bots have their own language to communicate in… It’s a shameful omission that you don’t get any complimenting spam. On the brighter side, spam is probably what you could easily do without, complimenting or not…

      Liked by 1 person

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