No flowers by request

No flowers by request

I went to replenish my smokes supply at a petrol station. This might not be the most logical place to buy cigarettes at, but it’s conveniently located, carries my brand and, unlike my nearest tobacco shop, employs staff that doesn’t let on how annoying it is that a customer has come to disturb them. Hardly did I enter the station area when a toothless man in a Shell shirt approached me and gave me a white rose. I inquired what day it was that flowers were freely distributed. He explained that it was just like that. Alright. That explains it.

With my purchase, on which the seller didn’t really earn anything because tobacco is heavily taxed, I got a complimentary pink cookie saying, Thank you, Your Shell. That was weird, I was thinking as I was leaving the building, and bumped into another customer holding awkwardly a white rose and coming in for his very own pink cookie. Don’t worry, I’m not gay, he exclaimed immediately on seeing me. That escalated quickly.

I’m not sure what sense it makes. If he were gay, then I’d have no reason to worry that he might rape me. His uninvited declaration of his sexual preferences therefore increased rather than diminished my concern. Besides me overthinking things, nothing else happened. I resisted the urge to throw the funeral flower in a bin straight away and brought it home against my better judgement. I checked that it didn’t contain a surveillance camera and put it in a shot glass, pictured below.

Funeral flower feel

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Posted by Mara Eastern

I'm a sardonic blogger, snapper, scribbler and rhymer; a virtual space invader who indulges in cheerful negativism, morbid self-deprecation and bleak humour.

29 Comments

  1. Haha, funny story. What do you make of it now?
    Is this your table under the flowers and Shell thing?

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    1. It was a funny experience and welcome as a blogging material 😉 I took the snap of the rose and the cookie outside, I just put those things on some concrete block in the street. I thought I’d counterpoise the white flower with the gritty texture…

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  2. That’s very strange of the fella to announce such a thing. I would be creeped out and move away quickly. 😳

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    1. I was amused rather than creeped out, given the proximity of many other people around and the broad daylight… I think the poor guy was so intensely worried about not appearing unmasculine that he felt the need to announce his sexual preferences to random passers-by. Poor thing.

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  3. Weird that he would announce it like that? hmmm.

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    1. I’m not sure what he was thinking and I didn’t ask, which is probably a shame! The more I think about it (overthink), the more curious I am. Thanks for stopping by and commenting 🙂

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  4. Very curious, why he would declare his sexual preferences like that. You’re right — why would you have worried about a guy being gay, or anyone for that matter.

    Here, in North America, and places in Europe too, there’s been an outpouring of support for the LGBTQ communities after what happened in Orlando (hope I got all those letters right). Perhaps it had something to do with that?! Or, perhaps it was just Shell Day somehow.

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    1. That’s a great idea, that he might have been declaring his support for the LGBTQ community, but I doubt that he was being so thoughtful really. Probably just an insecure guy too anxious about what others might think. Which is funny, I’m not interested in the slightest in random passers-by sexual preferences or identities. Their business. It must have been a Shell Day, yes 🙂

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      1. Right, I’m SO NOT interested in anybody’s sexual preferences. There are so many more interesting aspects of a human being.

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        1. Btw, I’m not gay either 😀 In case you were interested 😀

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  5. I wonder if you might have been more disturbed had the man said to you: “Don’t worry I am gay.” Its a stigma on society isn’t it that men with flowers seem to think their masculinity is challenged and compromised. Its like men wearing pink. Though every year here there is a sporting event which supports Breast Cancer and as part of the day every one tries to wear pink, some guys even turn up in pink suits.
    On another level it does appear to be a beautiful rose….

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    1. If the guy declared that he were gay, I would probably have tried to make friends with him because gay people, for some mysterious reasons, are my best friends. I do think that you’re right though – I also incline to believe that the poor man was so worried about appearing effeminate that he felt the urge to come out (what’s the opposite of “come out”?) as straight to random people… I ended up quite liking the little white rose. I still have it sitting in the booze glass…

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      1. Opposite to Coming out? Going in? More likely I think ‘Denial” covers it nicely.

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        1. Going in, ha 😉 Could be!

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  6. Shell shock 🙂

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    1. Haha 😀 You’re hilarious. Serious.

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      1. hilarious+serious – hilerious 🙂

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        1. Have the word patented 😉

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          1. I could catch on, maybe I will just start using it and see what happens

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  7. I went to replenish my smokes supply at a petrol station. This might not be the most logical place to buy cigarettes at…
    Actually, that makes complete sense to me as the only places in my town to procure such things are the gas station and the grocery store. 😉

    The flower and cookie thing is weird, though. 😀

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    1. Oh, so I’m not the only weirdo who goes to a petrol station and doesn’t buy any petrol? 😉 Good. The flower and cookie treat was unexpected and unexplained, but better than a poke in the eye. The cookie tasted horrible, by the way 😮

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      1. Gas station cookies usually do, though ours does have pretty great pizza. At least you didn’t have to pay for the cookie.

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        1. Now I fancy pizza 😉 We have some gas stations combined with supermarkets here, like a Shell/Walmart kind of thing…

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          1. We have that, too, though not out in the sticks where I live. The closest town to my house doesn’t even have a gas station, just a bar, a bank, and a church. I guess at least it’s quiet… 🙂

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          2. A bar, a bank and a church are a curious combination… Why a bank if there are no shops to spend money in? Oh wait, there’s the bar for spending. Now it makes sense…

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          3. And probably what little anyone has left after that goes to the church, but not being a regular churchgoer of late, I couldn’t say. 🙂

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  8. Haha! I checked it didn’t contain a surveillance camera. Haha!

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    1. Better to be careful than sorry to see your photos wearing and not wearing yoga pants at home posted all over the internet for the amusement of mean individuals 😉

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