Culprit Koss

Culprit Koss

I picked up my new earphones today after the recent regrettable incident when the cat chewed the old ones and downgraded me to mono sound. I didn’t spend as much time choosing the new earphones as usual – I didn’t even create a spreadsheet comparing the features of products that made it in the narrow selection.

I might be getting old and lazy (that is, less indecisive). That is good news because I spend most of my waking time making painstakingly overthought choices – for example, I evaluate which kind of pastry I should have for lunch at such length and so carefully that the baker is virtually selling me tickets to view the show.

I still haven’t lost it completely though, as I retain my habit of studying thoroughly instructions for use. (When I got my first smartphone, it took me several weeks to learn the user manual, the reading of which I pursued without even switching my phone on.) I also always read the fine print. (With much difficulty and with a magnifier.)

Here is what I learned after examining closely the tiny print on the box with my new earphones:

This product contains chemical known to the State of California to cause cancer, birth defects, or reproductive harm.

Whew. Good that I’m not in California. I’d hate to get the earphone kind of cancer, since I’ve already pretty much pre-ordered the kind of cancer caused by smoking. I would also hate to come to a reproductive defect which might cause me to reproduce, which I have no intention to.

I also need more details about what they call Limited Lifetime Warranty. How is it limited? Does it mean that the warranty is limited to cases when the product is not chewed up by your cat? And whose lifetime? Mine or that of the product? What’s the average life expectancy of an earphone set? This fine print poses more questions than it answers.

Limited lifetime warranty

Limited lifetime warranty

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Posted by Mara Eastern

I'm a sardonic blogger, snapper, scribbler and rhymer; a virtual space invader who indulges in cheerful negativism, morbid self-deprecation and bleak humour.

25 Comments

  1. That’s some crazy law in California. Those signs are posted in weird places. Don’t you dare breathe or be alive there, everything is trying to kill you. I don’t like California. Glad you got your buds.

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    1. The USA intrigue me to an insane degree. It seems to me, among other things, that there is a very lively systems of laws going on and that everything needs to be backed by a court case in which someone sues a company for damage and by a subsequent law. I wish we listened to our common sense more.

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  2. Phew! Good thing you’re really far away from California!

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    1. I know, right! Something must be very wrong with California when earphones used there will give you cancer. It’s no joke, of course, but it is a bit strange.

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  3. This post is so great, Mara! Bold to go without the spreadsheet!

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    1. Thank your for your kind comment! It’s hard to unlearn being OCD and particular about things, but I guess some choices need to be done fast – you don’t want to sit behind the steering wheel, for example, and contemplate forever if you wish to do this or rather that 😉

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      1. Right! I am a triple checker and
        over analyzer so I can relate.

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        1. I’m currently busy overanalysing what to respond to your comment 😉

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      2. Spreadsheets for big or important or expensive things; chance for small or minor or cheaper things…

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        1. That’s a very reasonable way to go! It makes life difficult to obsess about small things, like spending several hours doing research on which ear buds I’ll get. On the other hand, I know I’ve made my best choice 😉

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  4. Gawd, I’m so relieved I don’t live in California! And I’m lucky to never read that stuff … ever. I’m hopeless at reading manuals. I took that basic camera course, and the guy told us it was really basic; it was so that we would be able to read the manual and understand what we were reading 🙂

    With a new cellphone, I can’t wait to get it started — I loathe it, when I have to wait for the battery to get fully charged.

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    1. You save a huge amount of time by not reading manuals. I get frustrated immediately when I don’t know what I’m doing, so I’m trying to gain control over my life by reading manuals, I guess 😮

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      1. It’s something about that I love to figure it out. On my own. The feeling when I finally GET it is so rewarding …

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        1. I’m so different in this case… I want to know what I’m doing before I do it.

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  5. I think those are excellent well thought out questions the sort I would pose myself in your situation. Though the cancer causing substance in California would bother me in that does it mean that outside of California we don’t care if it causes you to develop a cancerous tumor in your ear which would be unfortunate and surely a not too positive promotion of their product.
    If the cat chews these ones best get it to a cat oncologist asap.
    Do they work satisfactorily for you?

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    1. Thank you for approving of my trail of thought 😉 I’m extremely curious, especially in things that are completely irrelevant. Such as the limited lifelong warranty of my earphones and the cancerous effects they would have on me in California. I’m ashamed to admit that I haven’t unpacked the ear buds yet because I’m letting the fact sink that I have something new… I might unpack them tomorrow. Or I might just look at them.

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      1. Put them in your trophy room?

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        1. I did unpack the ear buds today and was stunned that I can now listen stereo. I was getting deaf in my left ear, since the right-ear wire in my old earphones didn’t work, courtesy of the cat.

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          1. Ever consider your cat might be a closet music lover?
            Glad you have stereo, hard to beat isn’t it..

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          2. My cat is a closet lover…

            Liked by 1 person

          3. Aren’t they all?

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  6. Limited lifetime warranty: “Yes, there is a lifetime warranty. However, we are not to be blamed should the product suddenly decide to commit suicide. “

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    1. Of course, we must respect that our product is a human being with the right to make its own life and death choices. Got that 😉

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