It was an exceptionally productive morning for my cat, the professional sleeper and hobby model. My alarm woke me to the cat already being busy working on her tan, comfortably stretched out in a sunny spot next to my bed. I found that cute and demotivating. To take my revenge, I shot her repeatedly. With my phone camera, of course. She didn’t care to wake up at first and when she did open one eye half-heartedly, she didn’t care to stir.
By exercising extremes of willpower, I went through my yoga routine (dozing off while at it a few times but faceplanting only once) and eventually moved my ass and my bags containing teaching materials to the bus stop. There I stood, had a smoke – please be warned that smoking kills (so does life) – and gloated in the sweetness and light of my favourite larger-than-life billboard hanging from the side of the station building.
I deem the billboard both aesthetically and intellectually satisfying because instead of depicting a nude woman, which is as sexist as it is boring, it depicts a nude man. Since the emancipation of men in sexist advertising has still a long way to go, the not-yet-fully-naked man is modestly wrapped in a towel. I’m somewhat bothered by the ridiculous martial art pose he strikes, but otherwise I find the billboard man ideal.
My trouble with people in general and male people in particular is that I demand in them a bundle of features that I presume never come together. It’s not as much asking for outright beauty and brains combo, it’s rather the basic requirement that I shall not be either visually or mentally offended when interacting with someone. This is harder than it looks. I’m usually inclined to run away very fast and very far whenever a previously nice-looking person starts to speak.
This pet peeve of mine explains a few things, including why I consider a picture of someone frozen in time and space more appealing than an interactive three-dimensional model. It also explains how come that my cat is perfect. She is not only inoffensive but straightforward pleasant to look at and, best of all, she never opens her mouth to speak. When she does open her mouth to meow, I find her arguments valid. Because cat.