085 (2)

Decaffeinated tea

In the light of my continuing if receding flu, I’ve embarked on tea treatment. Let it be stated for the record that I hate tea and never drink it, unless I’m convinced that tea is the last thing that stands between me and death. This time I choose life and drink tea. At least I originally thought so.

I took utmost care to select in the grocery shop what I believed was the least disgusting kind of tea. Alarmingly, I didn’t bother to read the text on the tea box until I came home. I did notice in the shop that the tea I picked didn’t contain caffeine, which I thought odd, but not inevitably evil. After all, I have coffee.

When I cooked my first batch (yes, tea is cooked, like medical drugs), I idly glanced at the box to see what I’m poisoning myself with. I saw an inexplicably cheerful note on the box saying, Did you know? Our tea doesn’t contain tea. WTF? I could tolerate caffeineless tea, but tealess tea? WTF again.

Apparently, teafree tea is all the new rage. Like pumpkin latte in autumn (which I’ve never had but assume to be sickening). So that the customer wouldn’t complain, the tealess tea is properly called Fruit Fusion. The name is a good start, but the customer could still be misled into believing that fruit fusion contains fruit.

Of course it doesn’t. Unless lemon and orange peels are considered fruit. That’s what the fruit fusion consists of, admits the label on the box. Oh, and also elderflowers. I vaguely remember elderflower sirup from my childhood. It tasted appalling, from which I deduce that it must be terribly healthy.

085 (1)

De-tea-ted tea

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Posted by Mara Eastern

I'm a sardonic blogger, snapper, scribbler and rhymer; a virtual space invader who indulges in cheerful negativism, morbid self-deprecation and bleak humour.

27 Comments

  1. Sounds terribly boring.

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    1. I hope that what’s boring is my tea and not my post 😉

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      1. lol yea!!!sorry! I happen to be a tea lover myself and it made me sad you had such a tea less experience considering how many tasty ones there are!

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        1. I was just poking fun 😉 I took so much thought into choosing my tea that I chose possibly the worst that I could have chosen. Serve me right. Fortunately, my flu is better now, so no need to torture myself with tea anytime. So that’s it until the next flu 😉

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          1. Lol, well if you ever need any recommendations for something to not totally hate, I’ll send you recommendations.

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  2. Lol – my current favourite ‘tea’ is licorice root. It comes in dainty little pyramid shaped silk bags and it tastes lovely. If you like licorice. I do 🙂

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    1. Licorice root? Is it healthy? Does it taste nasty? I don’t think I’ll ever like tea, no matter how much I adore the cute pyramid shaped silk bags – I have Earl Grey in those, which I only serve to visits because I find it too horrible to drink myself.

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      1. The licorice tea is nice. Not overwhelmingly licoricey and a little sweet. Just let it sEarly Grey is an acquired taste – it is flavoured with a herb, just can’t remember off hand which one. Licorice has oestrogen in it so a lot of women like it for that, and also use it to help with menopausal symptoms.

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        1. Reminds me of the ginger tea I tried the other day. It was okay but I didn’t love the sharply biting aftertaste that much. I’m glad to hear that Earl Grey isn’t easy to like 🙂

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  3. Wow! Tealess tea — that’s amazing! I’ve never tried any of those teas, because I like tea. Real, ordinary breakfast tea … nothing else. In fact I like the tea taste better than coffee. The reason I still drink coffee in the morning, is that I’m not sure I get the same kick from tea. I tried once, and didn’t. Might be psychological, though …

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    1. I like the idea of tea, especially taken the British way, but I hate the taste of tea. Green tea makes me positively nauseous, even. Sadly, tealess tea isn’t any better in taste than normal tea. I clearly can’t be converted, I’m too much of a coffee person…

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      1. Apparently, I am too … too much of a coffee person, and that saddens me a little because I would also drink tea the British way. I think it’s too late for me to be converted at the age of sixty. I do have one cup, though, almost every afternoon.

        Green tea never did it for me. I tried, because of all the health benefits they stated, but .. no.

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        1. The benefits of green tea could be weight loss because whenever I’m stupid enough to drink it, I get sick. Hence I imagine I’d lose weight if I stuck to drinking the poison. I loved your tea post today, btw 🙂

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          1. I kept drinking it for a while but it just didn’t do it. Thanks 😊 After we’d watched that series it felt like TEA was the solution to everything LOL

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  4. WTF is a good name for a tealess tea 😀
    hope you are feeling better already and the flu is gone 🙂

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    1. Awe, thank you! I’m feeling so well now actually that I’m back to drinking my usual – coffee. Yay 😀

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  5. My favourite kind of tea … one that contains no tea. Perfect.

    I’ll have another coffee please.

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    1. It’s coffee for me too… Preferably one containing coffee and caffeine. I’m so old-fashioned.

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      1. Coffee without caffeine begs the question ‘why bother?’

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        1. Exactly! There might be just one thing worse than decaf coffee, and it’s instant coffee. *shudders*

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          1. UGH!!! If the coffee is instant, I’m going to pass.

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  6. I’m hooked on a ginger peach blend right now. 🙂

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    1. That sounds almost good. But does it contain tea 😉 ?

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      1. Nope. It does not contain tea. But I am drinking a green tea right now that contains two kinds of tea. Does that makes up for my drinking tea without tea?

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        1. Haha, yes, two teas in one make up for a tealess tea 🙂 Enjoy!

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