In the light of my continuing if receding flu, I’ve embarked on tea treatment. Let it be stated for the record that I hate tea and never drink it, unless I’m convinced that tea is the last thing that stands between me and death. This time I choose life and drink tea. At least I originally thought so.
I took utmost care to select in the grocery shop what I believed was the least disgusting kind of tea. Alarmingly, I didn’t bother to read the text on the tea box until I came home. I did notice in the shop that the tea I picked didn’t contain caffeine, which I thought odd, but not inevitably evil. After all, I have coffee.
When I cooked my first batch (yes, tea is cooked, like medical drugs), I idly glanced at the box to see what I’m poisoning myself with. I saw an inexplicably cheerful note on the box saying, Did you know? Our tea doesn’t contain tea. WTF? I could tolerate caffeineless tea, but tealess tea? WTF again.
Apparently, teafree tea is all the new rage. Like pumpkin latte in autumn (which I’ve never had but assume to be sickening). So that the customer wouldn’t complain, the tealess tea is properly called Fruit Fusion. The name is a good start, but the customer could still be misled into believing that fruit fusion contains fruit.
Of course it doesn’t. Unless lemon and orange peels are considered fruit. That’s what the fruit fusion consists of, admits the label on the box. Oh, and also elderflowers. I vaguely remember elderflower sirup from my childhood. It tasted appalling, from which I deduce that it must be terribly healthy.