What I Hated the Least Today 52/365: Tinder


A family member has been raving about Tinder, the dating app, for so long and so vehemently that I installed it on my phone too. Apart from being under the influence of four glasses of Scotch (small glasses, I promise), I downloaded Tinder primarily because of aesthetic considerations: there is one lonely gaping space on the homescreen of my phone, begging to be filled with some app icon.

I signed in with a fake Facebook account because I didn’t actually intend to hook up with random guys on the internet. While it did occur to me that my intention somewhat contradicted the purpose of the app, I didn’t let that bother me. The app crunched my phone data (I may or may have not been too drunk to notice what permissions I’m giving to it) and it spat out a gallery of horrors in (semi-)human form.

I must acknowledge the divilish deviousness of the device because by default, all suggested matches were drawn from my area and were of reasonably adequate age. At the same time I was disappointed by the primitivity of the app in that it only offered a person’s picture, age and area. Hardly anyone bothered to fill in any personal details. So, that’s it, apparently. A picture is ridiculously little for me to inspire interest. I need more info when selecting my new desktop wallpaper.

Still, I was indecently amused by the guys’ photos, including one snapped in a public restroom and another showing a guy with his back facing the camera and his bottom bared (is that supposed to be funny and I have no sense of humour?). I swiped about fifty people left as nope (none in the opposite direction) and uninstalled the thing. Then I filled the blank space on my phone homescreen with a better version of swiping, a keyboard that allows you to swipe instead of typing. And it’s a match.


Author: Mara Eastern

I'm a sardonic blogger, snapper, scribbler and rhymer; a virtual space invader who indulges in cheerful negativism, morbid self-deprecation and bleak humour.

34 thoughts

  1. Oh my goodness … I saw it [Tinder] in action last summer … husband’s son had it on his phone. He’d been out with several women, he’d met there. Since it’s GPS, he followed him here, to Saint John, so he kept getting suggestions from here. He saw one, cute girl, on a horse … and then he immediately figured she must have money [because of the horse!!!]. Tinder was probably alright for HIM, because he only cares about looks …

    As a woman I’d be so scared of doing online dating — don’t they ever watch crime shows, or perhaps I’ve watched too many?!

    I’ve read about that keyboard, I forget the name, but it sounds interesting. Do you like it? Does the typing go any faster?


    1. Haha, I watch too many crime shows and too many mystery shows, which has made me somewhat paranoid. I didn’t consider actually meeting someone, but I was curious to see how Tinder works. I thought there was more to it, considering how popular it is.

      I’ve installed the Google Keyboard for Android, not sure if the same is available for iPhone, but some version of the same certainly will be. I’ve had the app only for a short time, so I can’t evaluate it yet, but it seems to work very well with English. It’s useless with Czech. I find swiping less uncomfortable than pressing each key, so while it’s not necessarily faster, it’s more pleasant for me.


      1. Me too! And not only about online dating — even though dating feels unthinkable, I can help thinking about the subject, when I watch these shows. I would even find ‘ordinary’ dating kind of scary, if it wasn’t via mutual friends, so I had some kind of background ‘description.

        I must try that keyboard thing … because I can’t see how it works, when the letters are far apart …


        1. It would be ironic if, god forbid, something happened to me because I’m the most careful person ever – always double-locking the door, never walking close to doors so that no one could pull me in, minding who’s walking behind me, holding my purse like my life depended on it…

          I’ve been trying out the swiping keyboard some more and it works fine with English. It guesses what you’re trying to type, and unless you’re typing some quirky poetry, it’s usually quite accurate. Which is rather fascinating, considering that it only receives information from your swiping across the whole keyboard from one letter to another.


          1. In my youth, I was fearless! But that feels like a long time ago, and now I’m thinking along the same lines as you.

            That keyboard is sounding more interesting all the time … will try it.


          2. Yeah! That’s a good thing to think about. I’m used to swearing, and spelling out full words — here they say stuff like “the F-word”, and I’ve never adapted to that.


          3. It’s all the time on TV … but not as swearing; it’s when they talk about something like «how someone used the F-word» [or N-word which is worse]. Certain channels put in beeps, every time they use a swearword, so if Sopranos had been on one of those, it would have beeped every second word.


          4. I remember when I had TV there was beeping, mostly in the news when there was an interview with a person of the people. Some of the interviews were impossible to decipher when all swear words were beeped out.


          5. I just remembered one word, where they actually do use the letters instead of the full word: bullshit. Quite often you hear people saying ‘That’s BS!’ weird …


          6. Now that I think about it, in daily speech, people say «friggin’» a lot, instead of fucking … «The friggin’ fridge just broke down» … or «Cripes!» whatever that corresponds to. Then there’s ‘darned’ instead of damned.


          7. The worst example, I didn’t even understand at first … not until long time after I saw it: Dadgummit. I was reading a series of novels … they all took place in North Carolina. I kept seeing this word, it didn’t matter to the context so I didn’t bother with it. Eventually I found out it meant God dammit! I laughed and laughed …


  2. I joined a free dating site a few years ago, out of curiosity. I filled out such amazing, creative discourse of what I was about and what I wanted in a future partner and I got all duds. It really saddened me that not too many males registered were very literate. One fellow that attempted to speak to me, kept asking for directions to my home before he could divulge any details of his life and personality. No thanks! I deleted my file!


    1. Poor you, I can imagine… The old-time dating sites at least required the users to actually write something, even if little, so that one could judge whether the person is literate. I tried this kind of online dating too in my time, but I’m not doing it again. It doesn’t seem to work for me.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. I was last single before the Internet was a thing. I would not have the first clue about what to do or even the etiquette of such things. I’m pretty sure bared butts aren’t considered polite though. Not for first impressions anyway.


    1. Ha 😀 I think there’s no etiquette to Tinder really. At least during my brief acquaintance with it, I didn’t notice any. I’m glad I had the sense enough not use my actual FB profile for that and not to initiate any kind of contact with the bare butt or others.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. You are full of surprises! I had a friend who did the internet hook up thing in the days when it was still rather unsophisticated. She would arrange meetings in very public places and do several walk bys first – and keep on walking in many instances. She ended up marrying a work colleague 🙂


    1. That’s a lovely story – with maybe a not so surprising outcome! At least your friend kept herself very fit during those walks.

      I’m not really full of surprises, I was plainly curious, and now my curiosity has been fully satisfied. I’m not doing it again. It took away from me any remains of hope in mankind that I still had 😉

      Liked by 1 person

  5. A guy I met while I was binge-drinking in Thailand told me that Tinder was a great thing. So I created an account one evening, but after having swiped left for too long, I got tired of it and forgot about the whole thing.
    Then, after I’d returned home, I suddenly got a message that they’d found a match which was something like 24.000 kilometers away or something (someone in Bangkok liked my profile I guess…).
    I just deleted the whole app-shit.


    1. Haha, I see you have the same experience – except for the hilarious coda when Tinder found you a Thailand match 😀 I guess it takes a particular mindframe to like this way of meeting people. I thought it was pretty much limited to millennials, it seems to fit well with their lifestyle.


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