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I have abs. They can be neither seen nor felt, but now I know I have them, hiding in the jelly of my belly. I know because I pulled a muscle in my stomach when practising yoga. You’d be surprised that I can effectively cripple myself even when doing something as harmless as yoga.

Currently I’m on Yoga with Adriene, who is constantly so super excited that I sometimes succumb to the delusion that I can do it because I got it, as she mistakenly claims. As a revenge, I turned Adriene into a stick figure. I added myself and theΒ cat, who is my natural extension.

In my graphic illustrations, notice Adriene’s flawless poses contrasted to my personalised versions of them. Also notice how thin Adriene is. In the interest of self-flagellation, I drew myself with a side boob, a bulging belly and an enormous butt. Β Also, obviously, I can’t draw.

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Posted by Mara Eastern

I'm a sardonic blogger, snapper, scribbler and rhymer; a virtual space invader who indulges in cheerful negativism, morbid self-deprecation and bleak humour.

26 Comments

  1. Great artwork!
    … just don’t fall for the old I-look-like-I-want-a-belly-rub trick πŸ˜‰

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    1. I know, right, “great” “artwork” πŸ˜‰ The rub belly trick is old and plain but I still sometimes fall for it. And I get scratched and bitten every.single.time.

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      1. We are so weak. The furry belly is irresistible.

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        1. The soft furry belly is the smart cat’s trap for dumb humans.

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  2. Yoga sounds dangerous LOL Never even gotten close to trying. I HAVE stretched abdominal muscles I didn’t even know I was in possession of, though.

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    1. Whenever I’m physically active, I discover muscles in my body which I didn’t suspect were even there. It’s mildly disturbing. Yoga is relatively safe, I can injure myself even in my sleep, so don’t mind me. Even someone told me a year ago that I’d practise yoga, I’d laugh so much that I’d pull my abdominal muscles. But I came to almost “enjoy” it. Almost. Rather I don’t hate it too much.

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      1. I understand it’s very popular. Perhaps that’s why so many people have become interested in Buddhism and all that stuff?! Or … if it’s the other way around. You see a lot of ‘mindfulness’ and ‘namaste’ around the web 😊

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        1. I started doing yoga to prove that it wasn’t for me. It sort of got out of control… But the zen stuff surrounding it isn’t for me at all. I cringe at mindfulness whenever I stumble upon it online. But then, I’m a negativist, so I don’t count.

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          1. I’m not exactly a bundle of cheerfulness myself *grin*. Sometimes I say to my husband, stuff like “well, it’s due to my sunny disposition” and he burst out laughing!

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  3. I can soooo relate. BTW… I have her in my YouTube subscriptions. I’ve been totally ignoring her updates for the last six months.

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    1. πŸ˜€ I’m subscribed to Adriene’s channel too, but mostly I just do a few of my favourite videos over and over all the time. I’ve been doing her 30 Day Yoga Challenge since the New Year and I’m still at day seven or so because I just repeat the classes I like until I basically memorise them πŸ™‚

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      1. I decided that I hate yoga. It’s too yin for me. I quit and went back to more yang activities like running and lifting heavy weights (contrary to my doctors’ instructions). I’m much happier now. πŸ™‚

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        1. Haha, be careful not to say that you had yoga in public πŸ˜‰ It’s good that you’ve found what suits your disposition. I was surprised to find that yoga suits me, I like to move slowly and exercise sort of passively… That is, when I’m not just in the act of collapsing to the floor from some yoga position.

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          1. It’s odd that I hate it, because I’m always trying to relax and find peace in my everyday life. I love the IDEA of yoga, but can’t stand doing it. When it comes to exercise, I need to really give it my all to feel good.

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          2. Well put πŸ™‚ I think I hate the IDEA of yoga but I almost love doing yoga. In turn, I hate the idea of meditation and doing meditation. *shrug* Maybe I’ll arrive at a meditating stage later in life, as I’ve arrived at yoga.

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  4. I once went to yoga classes where the instructor was 89 years old and bent herself like wet spaghetti. My body was uncooked spaghetti – fractured and broken πŸ™‚ I stopped going. Looove your drawings !

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    1. That must be very frustrating. It reminds me of an incident when I was climbing, with much effort, to the top of Arthur’s Seat in Edinburgh, only to be overtaken by a jogging man about three times my age. Oops. As to my horribly drawings, I haven’t drawn anything since school, I think, and no matter the results, it was so much fun πŸ™‚

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      1. There’s a beautiful naivety to them which is very evocative. You should draw more πŸ™‚

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        1. Awe, these are kind words to describe that I draw like a five-year old – literally. But the point was to have fun, and I did!

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          1. It’s important to let your inner child out to play. And seriously, they are awesome πŸ™‚

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  5. I wish I could like this post twice. Except now I have a headache from laughing so hard, so I’m taking away a “like,” which means one like which is all I had in to give in the first place.

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    1. Haha, I hope you didn’t pull your abdominal muscles. I’m sorry that my post was harmful for you, but then, you experienced my yoga experience first-hand πŸ˜€ I love it when a fellow blogger has a similar madcap sense of humour. I mean, where else could I post total rubbish and get a like for it? πŸ˜€

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      1. Well i look forward to more adventures in yoga. Laughing at your experiences is the only ab workout I will ever get. πŸ™‚

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