What I Hated the Least Today 31/365: Certificate

21 comments

031

I’m now certified to perform acts of reckless cruelty on children and adults—by teaching them English. My certificate for teaching essentials by British Council arrived electronically today. For my certificate, I was forced to submit to acts of extreme cruelty myself by participating in a moderated online course. It was moderately horrendous, as most things in life—why, yes, of course I’m a negativist.

Whether I approve or not, I now perfectly understand why many of my teachers were frustrated individuals who were relieving themselves by torturing children in class. No need to be alarmed though, I’m not seeking a full-time lifelong career in education. I’ve just become addicted to collecting diplomas of little practical purpose besides their potential to be used as a wallpaper when redecorating.

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21 comments on “What I Hated the Least Today 31/365: Certificate”

    1. That’s an excellent question and one that I’ve been contemplating a lot lately. What I want to do is basically impossible, so I’m trying to figure out some other options. The other options, however, have to do with languages, so my English teaching certificate could come in handy at some point…

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  1. Congratulations?

    There is of course, the option of teaching English as a 2nd language. I often wondered if that would be even more frustrating than teaching little ones (my idea of a nightmare job)

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    1. Haha, yes, it was a very ambivalent post… I’m still coming to terms with the revelation that what I want to do is impossible, and trying to figure out some acceptable alternatives. Teaching kids is my nightmare job – I’d rather work in a supermarket or something – but I’ve taught 18 to 20 yrs old for a few years and wasn’t as terrible as I thought it would be. At times I even enjoyed it, though of course I hate to admit it 😉

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  2. I received a similar qualification 20 years ago. Teaching English sucks 50% of the time, but it can be very rewarding, provides a relatively constant source of income and is a passport to any country in the world.

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    1. You said it very nicely 😉 Teaching English in my country is a problem because no language school will actually employ you – it’s a special contract work, and due to this system you never earn enough to be able to have teaching as your only job. Teaching English abroad though is an option that might not be that terrible. Thanks for mentioning it. I didn’t think of this possibility before, maybe I should give it a thought too.

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  3. Well … Congratulations to you! Do you think you’d like teaching?

    Because I was taught English by fellow Swedes, I took the chance, when I found it, to take a course lead by a Brit. He was teaching English as Second language, and of course I learned a lot of stuff I didn’t knew about before … especially when it came to pronunciation.

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    1. Education in my country is rather of poor quality, hence my mostly negative experience. I’ve been to a summer school in Scotland, and I absolutely loved it. It was the best experience I ever had…

      We do have access to native speakers here, but their problem is that they are typically not qualified to teach – by virtue of being native speakers, no one demands another qualification of them. They’re not only unqualified to teach, but typically have no idea how to teach either. So I learn everything from books and pronunciation online…

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      1. I hear you! That would be as if *I* would try and teach … anything. I don’t know how to teach, and I’m not fit for it either.

        That must have been wonderful, your stay in Scotland. I’d love to go there one day.

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        1. Scotland was the best thing that happened to me – and probably also the worst, as it gave me the silly idea that I’d like to do Scottish Literature for living. Well, that didn’t work out, but I can still do it for free as a smartass hobby.

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        2. P.S. I remember one American teacher I had who was a foundry manager or something and who taught us about YouTube. Another American who taught me briefly embezzled department funds and fled to Africa, I think. He must have been very frustrated with teaching.

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          1. It was like ten years ago, when YouTube wasn’t a thing here, and he prophesied that it would become a thing. Of course, he was cheating because he based his prophecy on his experience from the US.

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    1. Haha 😀 I was teaching academic writing in English to university students for a few years, and while I assume I was, deliberately or not, transferring my knowledge of the horrors of life, the students were too young and too hopeful yet to learn anything. Perhaps it’s better that way.

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