I’m currently an unemployed PhD holder independent researcher, and I’ve been working hard on my new career today. I’ve been shovelling snow.

My major motive for shovelling the terrace was the visit of my mother. My mother isn’t a shovelling freak, but I couldn’t think of an excuse for explaining what business I have on the terrace in this weather. She would know that I go to the terrace because there were my tracks in the snow. I go there to smoke. Why, yes, I’m over thirty and my mother still doesn’t know I smoke. Why upset her, right?

My minor motive for shovelling was to create a dignified smoking environment. No more squatting out there in the snowdrifts and having the white sh*t drench my slippers. I can’t be bothered changing into proper boots for each smoking trip.

I shovelled a lovely snow-free aisle alongside the window, with a narrow outreach to the railings at one end, so that I could explain to the mother that I take photos at the terrace while resting my camera on the railings. Disappointingly, the mother neither asked nor did she notice my efforts.

She probably didn’t notice because the moment I was done shovelling, it started to snow. It continued throughout the rest of the day. It’s still snowing. I make regular rounds of the terrace to re-shovel. I’ve made snow walls of considerable height surrounding my cleared aisle. It looks like I’m preparing trenches for the next world war.

On a happier note, I believe I’ve grown muscles with all that shovelling. I can now consider taking up an alternative career as a cleaner with a specialisation in shovelling. Or a bouncer in a bar. Or a snowman, or snowwoman, complete with a snowcat. By the way, below is a picture of what my cat thinks of the snow.

 

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Posted by Mara Eastern

I'm a sardonic blogger, snapper, scribbler and rhymer; a virtual space invader who indulges in cheerful negativism, morbid self-deprecation and bleak humour.

16 Comments

  1. Ah shoveling. We have over two feet of snow today. We shoveled and two hours later there was no sign of our efforts. A snow plough came by to clear the road and hours later it was impassible again. I’ve resolved to stay indoors with a fleece blanket and the cat for the rest of the weekend.

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    1. Snow ploughs, sadly, don’t provide service at my terrace. I’m staying indoors as much as I can, but a person has to smoke. *sigh*

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  2. That’s so typical … that it starts to snow again, when the shovelling is done. Like cleaning all the windows, and then immediately the raining commences.

    My mum found out I was smoking after two years. Someone snitched. Her reaction would have been appropriate if it had been some drug, like heroine. She sent me to a psychiatrist. Such lovely memories I have of my teens *grin*. She did not know about my drinking, though. She found out when I was in my mid 30’s, it was inevitable.

    Does your mum live nearby?

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    1. Yep. The moral is – don’t shovel, wait for the snow to thaw. Also, if you wish to invoke rain, wash the windows. 😉

      Phew, people are so nasty, how would anyone snitch on anyone else?! If my parent sent me to a therapist for smoking, I’d actually need the therapist, but for something else.

      My mother happens to live in the same city now, which is convenient when I need cat sitting 😉 And she doesn’t know about my drinking either. Fortunately, I’m a solitary drinker, and the cat won’t snitch on me.

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      1. Cat sitter is a good thing to have. I turned out to be a solitary drinker too, but that came later in life.

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  3. OMG Mara ! Why don’t you just tell her ?

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    1. That would be too easy! 😉 But honestly, my mother is an emotionally fragile elderly lady, and I can’t see any point in upsetting her unnecessarily. Sure, it’s partly alibism on my part, but why upset someone when you don’t have to?

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      1. Yeah, white lies !

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  4. HAHAHAHA! That cat stole the show (post)

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    1. Then everything is as it should be! 😀

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  5. Your life reminds me so much of mine twenty years ago!

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    1. Ha! I hope it’s good memories in retrospect.

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  6. the things we do, huh?! I bet our parents did equally as many secretive things themselves 🙂

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    1. Precisely! I know of some things that my mother confessed only much later – like that she was smoking and quit 😮 It runs in the family.

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  7. Snow. Ugh. That’s all I have.

    Well, except that any habit that requires me to be out in the snow is a habit I’d rather not have 😉

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    1. Wise words have been spoken… I hope I’ll stop smoking again. I mean, I stopped for three years, but then oops.

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