Weekly Photo Challenge: Descent

010-descent

That’s the descent of fog over a field, in case you wonder. In response to Weekly Photo Challenge: Descent.

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Scottish Humour

There are so many reasons to love the Scots. Scottish humour is one of them.

Wetlands

Patriarchy

Cut off and kill

Her expanding mind

It must be

Circumcised

Mara; or, Child in the Woods

It’s a minor miracle that I survived my childhood. I was born female, grew up to be feminine, but acted like a tomboy in the first grade. We lived at the edge of the woods, and for lack of other play ideas, I played in the woods. Alone. The scariness of this arrangement is somewhat relieved by the fact that at first I was only allowed to stay within clear sight of the house. Our house was a huge cube with five large windows facing the woods, so I could spy on my mother doing chores through the windows while I was playing in the woods. The moment she opened the middle top window and yelled my name, I had to report back immediately. When I made her yell at length, Maaa-raaa, hooome, nooow, I was in trouble.

Do you know the tree houses from American films? Well, forget it. That’s what we call a fancy summer house in Eastern Europe. A real tree house is a tree that you carefully pick to spend your play time around. You sweep the forest floor around it, you bring stones and stuff to decorate it and when you’re done, you climb it and contemplate. The best feature of my tree house was a thick low branch that worked as a swing. That is, until a big kid from the neighbourhood intruded my house and broke the branch. He didn’t find my treasure though: a set of toy kitchen utensils buried in the tree’s roots and containing actual sugar, salt and coffee that I stole at home. It horrifies me to think I mixed it with water and ate it. The coffee tasted particularly revolting.

Stopping by the woods on a summer evening

When in the woods, I was always on a mission. I was a prehistoric gatherer. I gathered leaves and twigs, bark and pebbles, flowers and berries. I was at least smart enough not to eat these. My mission could be circling around a molehill and waiting for a mole to peek out. It never did. Or it could be clearing from obstacles a tiny stream that was springing from the ground at one spot and disappeared in the earth again a few hundred feet farther on. My favourite mission was very unsavoury. It consisted of crossing the road that cut through the woods and trespassing on a local dump. For some reasons I thought it was amazing to rummage through other people’s waste, and there were awesome things to find, including dresses and toys.

Sometimes the woods scared me to death. When I climbed the board fence enclosing an area with freshly planted trees, I was frightened by the noise of something big and heavy moving nearby. I was wondering if the thing was inside or outside of the enclosure and if it could be a boar, which were spotted in the woods before. I was sorry to die, and I experienced an unpleasant epiphany that my mother was right to warn me from going so far from the house. I never learned what it was, but it didn’t kill me, and I could live with that. Speaking about past tense, once I quite literally stumbled on dead deer. It was staring at me with one huge brown eye as flies were feasting on it. Seeing that I couldn’t bury it, I prayed for the corpse. This must have been ridiculous, because I wasn’t instructed in religion, so I made up a prayer for dead deer on the spot.

This was in summer. Winters were less fun because the slopes of the woods grew too slippery to climb, and it was really too cold to hang out on a tree branch. There were two sledging hills behind the house. The small one was parent-approved, and it took about two seconds to slide from its top to the bottom. The big one was a different thing. It was a long and winding cleft in a hill, potentially dangerous to manoeuvre. I went down it on a sledge several times, and it was exhilarating. Until I made a manoeuvring mistake and hit a tree. The tree was fine, but I got briefly unconscious and spent weeks in the hospital with a concussion, a swollen eye and half my face grazed by the bark. I made a full recovery, but the woods were never the same again.

Tongue

050Tongue

For my anniversary fiftieth Caturday, here goes Ella sticking out her tongue.

Weekly Photo Challenge: Cover Art

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If I were asked by some misguided soul to produce cover art for a work of art, I’d go with the above photo of Olomouc for the song below set in Olomouc. Both the photo and the song are quirky and stylised, hence a match.

In case you wonder, Olomouc is a small town in the Czech Republic, a miniature Prague. The song appears to deal with an elderly married couple playing sex role games in a hotel room, but I wouldn’t know.

In response to WordPress Photo Challenge: Cover Art.

Test Yourself

I love tests, the sillier the better! Here are some silly and some smart ones for you to try out too.

Your Victorian Penname

This test is designed for writerly ladies, who would need a gender non-specific pseudonym in the Victorian era. Or else they could just claim that their work was a translation because apparently, female writers were a shame, while female translators were okay.

Get your name here.

My Victorian pen name would be Meriwether Evans. I could never spell this right.
My Victorian pen name would be Meriwether Evans. I could never spell this right.

Your Reading Speed

This test tells me that I read 84% faster than American national average, which however equals to the speed of an average college student. Disappointing.

Test your speed here.

I read as slowly as an average college student. Boo.
I read as slowly as an average college student. Boo.

Your Procrastination Level

This test didn’t work for me because it insists that I don’t procrastinate that much. They’re fatally wrong.

Test yourself here.

They're very wrong. *mean laugh*
They’re very wrong. *mean laugh*

Flowers

Unplugged

Dis

connected from me

Un

connected from my

self

 

Follow-Up

My modest poem has inspired verse responses by creative fellow bloggers, which turned out to be much better than the original! Check it out below, in order of appearance:

 

By Ronovan

Dis

enchanted with me

Dis

enchanted with my

self

 

By Mother Hen

En

Tranced with your writing

In

Spired by this haiku…

 

By Julie

Be

Comes the time to empty the trash

To

morrow is garbage pick-up day