Because It’s Ultimately All about Me

The last Writing 101 prompt is all about describing my most-prized possession. In other words, it’s all about me! I am my own most valuable possession, very obviously, because unlike anything else, there’s no way I could get another me. For myself, I am irreplaceable.

I’ve been struggling most of my life to come to terms with myself. This is an essential task, apparently, because it looks like I’ll have to bear with myself until either I or myself die. Oneself is the easiest person to get along with – and the hardest. The trouble is you can’t play any psychological tricks on yourself because the moment you think of it, you see straight through yourself. If that makes any sense.

I wish I could spend more quality time with myself. I’d prefer to learn about myself before learning about other people. How could one be expected to deal with others until one can deal with oneself? I wonder how other people manage. How do you do it? Are you so at ease with yourself that you’re ready to face others? Or are you multitasking: struggling with yourself and everyone else at the same time?

I’m neither at ease with me, nor am I a multitasker. I’m starting to think that this is a strange thing because people keep on approaching me like nothing was the matter. I thought there was a shared consensus that those who aren’t done with themselves yet should be left alone until they’re done. Instead, there appears to be a Murphy’s Law that whoever needs something comes to me. Considering that I can’t help myself, what are the chances that I’ll be useful to another self?

I wish people could stop scaring me to death by asking me things. Do I even look like I know something? I can’t give you directions – even if I know the place, I don’t know how to explain the way. I’m really sorry. I can’t tell you how I am either – “how are you” is a complex metaphysical inquiry and I can’t settle for a half-answer. I’m clearly not ready to enter the society of other people yet. Please deal with it while I deal with myself.

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Author: Mara Eastern

I'm a sardonic blogger, snapper, scribbler and rhymer; a virtual space invader who indulges in cheerful negativism, morbid self-deprecation and bleak humour.

16 thoughts

  1. I love this post, I know those feelings well. I could write a really serious comment and a lengthy one but i am not sure that is what you are looking for. That was a very open, honest and succinct bitesize chunk of a piece of yourself thank you for sharing xx

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  2. I understand this very well. I seem to be pulled in many directions since starting to blog. It’s the only thing I do but I like helping people so I tend to not say no, or volunteer when I see a need for help. I don’t know if it’s my nature or a compulsion or what. But I really need me time. I need to be able to focus on things and it doesn’t happen and I think my blog work suffers because of it. But then I like making people happy by helping. I am just confused about it all.

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    1. Thank you very much for this comment. I was actually suspecting that I’m in no way unique and that others must feel similarly too. I’m quite relieved to find out that this is really the case. I love helping other people too, but at the same time, I don’t like spending much time with people, and also, I’m frustrated when I can’t help. As you say — it’s quite confusing…

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  3. I’m not very good at giving directions either so I try everything so I don’t have to. If someone does ask me, I just reply “Sorry I don’t know”

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    1. So I’m not the only person who can’t give directions?! That feels reassuring! I’d love to help, but I just can’t do that. Only an hour later or so after I’m asked, I come up with the perfect and easy answer to the question… How pathetic.

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      1. That’s me all the time “Damn I should have said this or that” I give short answers even if I want to say more.But those thought only come afterwards.

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  4. I think I can relate.Well I hope I do,as I wrote something pretty long and a bit abstract.
    Outside the blogosphere,I don’t have any friends.
    I was feeling a bit like you,until I started doing things I love and assuming my tastes and choices.For instance,I never feel the need to reply when someone asks me ‘How are you doing’,or things like that,as I know he is only doing so as part of a routine when meeting me.There are many other little things which other people do,which I don’t.Another example is I never force myself to compliment someone or to start a conversation with him just for the sake of not keeping quiet to avoid offending him.Also I didn’t participate in any extracurricular activities because I didn’t want to,even though I knew they might have got me a seat at an America university.

    I think I’m bonded with myself more than ever now.I don’t waste too much time before the mirror and at times I don’t identify myself with my name.For me,my face and my name are superficial things.I am not them; I am I.
    I reckon that the gap year I took after school was beneficial.I was finally away from these manner-less,insolent and culture-less kids,and I could finally get back to my old self.I explored photography,created a blog on which I interact with people from abroad, read a lot of books,and kept discovering all sorts of art.I think that’s how I became what I am now.I know what I like and what I don’t like,and I’ve resolved to never change,except for improvements regarding spiritual growth.

    I know it is very weird what I’m saying and you might think I’m crazy or something,but I felt I needed to share this experience with you,hoping that it might help you in,whichever way,to be more at ease with yourself.Keep in mind what Nietzsche said: ‘Become who you are; don’t become who you become.’ 😉

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    1. Oh, thank you so much for sharing your thoughts! It’s incredibly reassuring to see that other people — my blogosphere friends — have a similar experience. At moments like this, I’m very glad that I started blogging because it enables me to connect with people on a level I previously didn’t know.

      I think it will have to do something with being an introvert person and a thinker. You seem to fit this description; and so do I. I seem to overthink a lot, which a problem in casual social interaction — someone asks me “how are you” because they want to be polite, and I remain silent because I’m searching for the right answer. How awkward. And like you, I definitely prefer being quiet rather than chatting casually.

      What you’re saying makes perfect sense. Once again thanks for connecting — I’m happy and grateful to have you 🙂

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  5. Thoroughly enjoyed reading the above. It would seem we are not quite as unique as we believe, I too understand the confusion above.

    Personally I’m a person that prefers to be alone but need to touch base with the rest of human kind every now and again (sometimes I think thats only to prove to myself I’m better off alone anyway) .

    Being far too pedantic to be a lot of fun to those around me, I take it as said, instead of reading between the lines. I tend to say it as I see it, and hell we know how many people like to hear the truth even when they request honesty.

    If it has four feet, feathers or fur, I will automaticly be drawn to it, never at anytime has one of those species asked me how I am, when they really don’t give a damn.

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    1. Yes, that’s what I’m finding out more and more — we are surely all individuals, but we seem to be less unique then we think. Which is, I guess, a good thing!

      Like you, I believe that one needs the occasional society of other people (even if only to reaffirm yourself in the fact that you prefer being alone, as you nicely put it). I even occasionally like to see other people — about once in a year or so…

      You say so it well: “if it has four feet and fur, I’m drawn to it” — yes! Thanks for making me company here — and a pleasant one 🙂

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  6. Ahhhh.. Oh my god, I’m so sorry. I just accidently reported your blog as mature. It is not. I want to take it back! I love your blog. (My mouse is stupid and doesn’t work properly and clicked there) I didn’t want to click it. If you have any problems due to that, let me know if I can help in any way. Oh I’m so sorry. Please it was a mistake!

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    1. Ohh, this is actually so funny! 🙂 I mean, of course I’m not laughing either at you or at me, especially not as a person who accidentally uninstalled the anti-virus programme from her laptop the other day… But still 😀

      I think there should be no problem and that staff who will check this will see that my blog is not mature, but quite immature. Thank you for telling me though, you made my day 🙂

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